As of Saturday, August 1, I became officialy covered by Medicare, even though my birthday isn’t until next week. Funny, I don’t feel any older than I did Friday, July 31. However, I felt like I was 97 that day, so there you go. We senior citizens are looking at cuts to our social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid payment because the tens of millions of illegals flooding the border need their free stuff, even though they did nothing for it.
Today’s task is a daunting one indeed. I have more links cached than Carter’s got Little Liver Pills. (If you remember that one, you’re as old as I am.) I will now draw my trusty saber, wave it over my head and exhort my troops to ‘storm the parapets!’ But I have to refill my coffee cup first.
CAITLIN JENNER’S FIRST DATE
CANDID PICTURE OF BILL AND HILLARY STROLLING ON THE BEACH
We have reviewed your statements and have the following recommendations to help end this public relations disaster:
Location of the specimen at the time of demise is everything. Emphasize that you performed the poaching procedure OUTSIDE the park, and it is not really a lion unless it is INSIDE the park.
Change “head on the mantle above the fireplace” to “calvarium on the mantle” or better yet “tissue on the mantle.”
Change the terms “carcass” and “remains” to “products of hunting.”
In your apology, your term “taking the lion,” rather than “killing the lion” was on the right track, but Jimmy Kimmel saw right through it. We suggest “terminate” as a widely-accepted alternative.
Repeat over and over again, as much as possible, that brutally killing and dismembering innocent life is “ONLY 3%” of what you do. (Other clients have found this to be very successful, even though in their case, it’s not actually true.)
We are putting pressure on the media not to cover this, but in the meantime, pretend that your website was hacked to remind people that you are the victim here.
P.S. If you still have intact organs or limbs from the procedure, we will gladly help you “transfer” them for a “reimbursement fee.”