Beware Assault Bubbles!

Beware assault bubbles

A 5-year-old who told her friend she would shoot her with her bubble gun has been labeled a ‘terrorist threat’, questioned without her parents present, examined by a psychologist, and suspended from school.

The “gun” in question shoots BUBBLES. That’s why it’s called a BUBBLE gun. The girl was offering to PLAY with her friend and her fun toy.

The girl’s family has hired an attorney. They want the school to apologize and clear the girl’s permanent record.

The fact this apparently happened at Mt. Carmel Elementary School totally cracks me up!

Back in the 9th c. BC, the worship of idols had become a gigantic problem, what with the king of Israel, Ahab by name, being totally whipped by his pagan wife Jezebel. So God’s prophet Elijah challenged the idolators to a god-off on Mount Carmel.

On Yahweh’s team, just Elijah. On Jezebel’s team, 450 prophets of Baal (male god) and 400 prophets of Asherah (female goddess). The king sent word throughout all Israel. It must’ve been the event of their lives for these people!

Each team got a bull to slaughter, plus wood and an altar on which to offer it up. Elijah graciously gave his 850 opponents the first turn, telling them, “You call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the Lord. The god who answers by fire—he is God.”

Then all the people said, “What you say is good.”

I bet. Sounds like fun, right?

So the Baal-Asherah team called on the name of Baal from morning till noon. “Baal, answer us!” they shouted. But there was no response; no one answered. And they hopped around the altar they had made.

At noon Elijah began to taunt them.

“Shout louder!” he said. “Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.”

So they shouted louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until their blood flowed. Midday passed, and they continued their frantic prophesying until the time for the evening sacrifice.

[I can’t help seeing these idiot school administrators, hopping around and slashing themselves in their frantic sacrifice of a 5-year-old’s civil rights on the altar of Gun Control.]

But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention. Then Elijah got his turn. But before asking God to send fire down on his offering, he dug a huge trench around the altar and had twelve big jugs of water brought to him, which he dumped on his wood, so the water ran down around the altar and filled the trench. Then he prayed:

“Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.”

Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.

carmel

Sources:
Carmel Apple drawing by the Fledgling of Bitterness (Bob’s dd)
Scripture story from 1 Kings 18:18ff. NIV version @ http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Kings+18&version=NIV
News story @ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2264933/Girl-5-suspended-kindergarten-days-threatening-shoot-friend-pink-Hello-Kitty-bubble-gun.html

12 Comments

Filed under Funny Stuff, Gun Control

12 responses to “Beware Assault Bubbles!

  1. chrissythehyphenated's avatar chrissythehyphenated

    I’ve just been imagining the headlines today if the god-off had been yesterday in Washington, D.C.

    Fox News: Yahweh Prevails at Mt. Carmel.
    ABC, NBC, CBS: Intolerant Jews Massacre 850 Innocents
    MSNBC: Jezebel Has Bangs!

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  2. For those who didn’t hear the backstory on the Elijah vs. the prophets of Baal cartoon: My teenager (like her mother) is an English language purist who gets her knickers in a twist when she sees signs that have misspelled words on them. But while I only curse the darkness, she turns her irritation into artistic expression. One summer day a couple of years ago, after seeing a large sign at the county fair advertising “Carmel Apples,” she drew the cartoon above.

    I have hundreds of her drawings saved on my computer (she has to scan them on my computer, since hers doesn’t have a scanner, then she emails them to her computer from mine), which makes it easy for me post them whenever the urge strikes me. This one came up a while ago when we were discussing language and spelling pet peeves, but of course it fits very well with Chrissy’s discussion of the duel between Elijah and the prophets of Baal. 🙂

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  3. Many years ago, my town used to have a community choir, and one year we sang Mendelssohn’s oratorio “Elijah” for our spring concert. I absolutely loved it! I had heard the story of Elijah and the prophets of Baal many times as a child, but I don’t think it had made much of an impression on me — other than causing me to roll my eyes at the stupidity of those ninnies who thought their dumb god was better than the real God. But singing the Mendelssohn version of it really brought it to life for me. I have the whole oratorio on my iPod now, and I listen to it sometimes on long drives… and if no one else is in the car, I sing along. 🙂

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    • chrissythehyphenated's avatar chrissythehyphenated

      Oh wonderful!! I got to hear it performed once and I remembered my companion looking at me strangely when the tears started flooding down my face. But it was SO BEAUTIFUL!

      Though I confess I did a lot of binding prayer during the part where the choir was singing the Baal prayers. That really creeped me out, same way the witches spell casting in Macbeth do. I’ve often wondered if that is the reason for all the “curse of Macbeth”, you know?

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      • Singing the prayers to Baal WAS creepy! We had to do it like we really meant it! But after that part is over, the choir transitions from pagan idol-worshippers to being children of the true God, so it comes out right in the end. 😉

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        • chrissythehyphenated's avatar chrissythehyphenated

          Oh good. I was kinda wondering how it felt for the choir. It didn’t occur to me that the same people did the good stuff too. DUH ME. LOL

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          • Yes, the chorus in “Elijah” suffers from multiple personality disorder. At one moment they’re singing entreaties to Baal, but then when Baal loses the duel and God wins, they immediately turn into Israelites demanding that all of the prophets of Baal be slain!

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