Posted by Pistol Pete
It seems that with every passing week,I look more and more to Friday just to lighten things up for my pals and maybe get their weekend off to a good start.Faced with the incessant flow of outrages that we are forced to stand by and watch helplessly is really frustrating and we need to unplug for the sake of our own sanity.
I’m a little late getting started today.We made our weekly pilgrimage to WalMart so I could terrorize the public(see yesterday’s post) and the sky was getting dark when we left home so we took our umbrellas in the store.At one point the lights inside actually went out for a few seconds.I don’t know if they have backup generators but the power came back on.As we got near the checkout I looked outside.The sky was as black as the inside of your hat and the rain was coming down like a cow pissing on a flat rock (I majored in metaphor mixing). Unless you’ve ever seen a cow perform this bodily function you can’t appreciate the concept.About half the checkout registers decided to take the rest of the day off and people were herded from one working checkout to another.
Being the gallant dude I am,I told DW to wait while I opened my umbrella and pulled the car up so she could get right in.I have a Handicapped placard, so I was only a few yards from the door.The car radio on the way home said that the storm packed 60MPH winds.There was such a volume of hot air you’d think Schumer and Dirtbag were arguing.
On a personal note,my state raised the tax on cigarettes $1 per pack last year.They didn’t raise as much money as they figured,so this Sunday its going up another dollar.So a carton of name brand cigarettes will be about $80.00 around here.It’s much,much higher in Chicago because of the excessive taxes.What always galled me was that anytime the politicians need more money the first thing they do is drop more taxes on tobacco.Cutting spending never enters their minds.I smoked between 1-2 packs a day for almost 40 years.I stopped for good at the end of February,just before I went into the hospital.I never thought I’d find the will to quit,but after a quadruple bypass 10 years ago and now toting a pacemaker and using oxygen for my COPD,it’s all over.My body was warning me this was my last chance.The strange thing is I don’t even miss it.I will confess,though,I get some perverse pleasure thinking about smokers(most of them Obamaphiles) that will pay whatever it costs to get their nicotine fix.
OKAY,ENOUGH!!!!
I have some really good things for you today.Be ready to chuckle,smile,and,oh, have some Kleenex handy;I have a couple stories that will test your tear ducts…I promise.
LIKE IF YOU SEE HANDS
SHARE IF YOU SEE GOD
polination.blog 
The Knock-Down, Drag-Out Text Feud Over a Wedding Present You Have to Read to Believe
Do you remember growing up and your mom always told you to be thankful for whatever someone gives you?
This is one reason I don’t text…this starts out terse and degenerates into something hilarious!!
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/06/20/the-knock-down-drag-out-text-feud-over-a-wedding-present-you-have-to-read-to-believe/
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That gift was atrocious (makes the wicker coffee cups, that I know for a fact was a re-gift from a friend of my husband’s look like a prize. At least we got 2 bucks for them when we resold them at a garage sale).
There will always be people who have no class. Every bride should expect that and chalk it up to part of the wedding experience.
That said, people who choose to spend that much per plate for a wedding do so by choice. It is not the job of the guests to pay for their meals. Since when does someone have a party and expect everyone to pay unless they are told to chip in on the invite? I see too many brides today, going into debt for a dream wedding they cannot afford. When I go to a wedding, I do not drink anything but water, rarely eat more than the greens and do not touch the cake. So am I supposed to “pay full price” as a wedding gift?(we are nonetheless generous).
A gift is just that, A GIFT. It is not supposed to be the price of admission.
If you cannot afford a blow out wedding, ELOPE!
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I think it it had been me, I would’ve just sent them the damn receipt and deleted them from my life. What a pair of LOSERS.
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My mother would have dealt with all of them – All three of them would be too mortified to ever text again and they would have all deleted their Facebook accounts in shame after she was through with them.
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LOL!
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Can BUTTER coffee give you more energy? The unlikely morning brew that claims to ‘shrink waistlines’ and ‘promote brain function’
I love my coffee;always have.Now I have to use Supra instead of sugar,but there ain’t a way in hell I’d put BUTTER in it!thats just so wrong.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2345114/Could-coffee-blended-BUTTER-energy-The-unlikely-brew-shrinks-waistlines-improves-cognitive-function.html
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PP-Try Stevia instead. It is low glycemic and not synthetic. All those fake sweeteners are deadly. And for a special treat, it is okay to use real cream. It is actually healthy if you get it fresh from a local cow. I am sure you can find some pasture fed cows in your area. Or consider local food co ops. They are springing up all over now. You buy a monthly share directly from local farmers. The food tastes better, is healthier, and you are helping the small farmers stay in biz.
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Tip: Stevia is MEGA SWEET. I found one packet way more than I wanted. It’s pricey, but goes a long, long way.
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State Attorney: Shaking of bras during searches ‘demeaning’
First of the bra stories for today.
http://www.baynews9.com/content/news/baynews9/news/article.html/content/news/articles/bn9/2013/6/20/state_attorney_shaki.html
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I could call you a boob because you always seem to find these stories, but I will just chalk it up to “a guy thing”. lol
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don’t hate the player,hate the game.
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I think under the circumstances it was probably a good call by the cop.
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31 Eggs In Exciting Holes
GET YOUR MIND OUT OF THE GUTTER!
You know me better than that.
I remember as a kid there was a Wesson Oil commercial for something called a Wesson Nest Egg.Put some oil in a skillet,cut a hole in a slice of bread with a glass,put it in the skillet then break an egg in the center to fry it.Granny did it and acted like she was Julia Child.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/emofly/eggs-in-exciting-holes
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I love Buzzfeed!
I really like the green pepper egg rings since I try to eat as little gluten as possible (so don’t send me one of those lousy gift baskets, lol). But I never thought of the onion ringers. Gotta try that one!
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This is so cool! Guy meets his girlfriend at IKEA,so decides to propose there with a flash mob
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Two hankie alert!
Wish I could still dance like that!
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Wasn’t that wonderful! As much as I sometimes complain about my profession, it has at least kept me fit. I will be 59 in a couple of months and I can honestly say there was not a single dance move in that routine that I couldn’t do easily, still. I need to remember that next time I come home sore and aching.
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I envy you — I couldn’t ever have done that, not even back when I was forty years younger and fifty pounds lighter than I am now.
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Well, I didn’t say that I could do it well – only that I could!
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[Don’t believe Ting. Saw pics of her cutting the rug at a wedding. She’s small, slender and fit as a fiddle, exactly the kind of person who really CAN dance, unlike moi, who does a great imitation of a hippo in a tutu.]
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I saw those pics too, and you’re right about Ting — she looks fabulous.
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I second what Bob said, Ting. I envy you! My folks could always dance like that, but we never learned. Dang shame.
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My parents NEVER danced, EVER. They thought dancing was sinful. I was not allowed to dance — I wasn’t even allowed to watch dancing on television. I couldn’t even go to any social event where dancing would take place, even if I promised not to dance. So naturally I never learned how.
When I get to heaven I’m going to be able to dance, though. And sing, too. And play the piano really, really well.
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Oh, glory! They missed out on a lot of fun. I hear live music and I just have to start moving. It’s not too late to start, Bob. Just sway to the music and before you know it you’re moving all over the place. There are no rules in my kind of dancing except enjoying it.
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Right now I enjoy it vicariously, by watching my lovely, graceful 18-year-old daughter do her thing on stage, in dance recitals and musical theater productions.
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Oh wow. Happy tears! And the bouquet even went with her dress. 🙂
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JOHN TRAVOLTA’S DAD SOLD TIRES TO JAMES GANDOLFINI’S DAD.THIS IS A NICE TRIBUTE TO A MAN TAKEN MUCH TOO SOON
http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/john-travolta-remembers-james-gandolfini-140244935.html?vp=1
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GET THE KLEENEX READY!!!!!!!
18 YEAR OLD MARINE RECRUIT STRICKEN WITH CANCER;
MARINES PROVE THEY NEVER,EVER!! LEAVE A MAN BEHIND.
Damn,I’m crying and I’ve watched it twice.
http://screen.yahoo.com/cancer-cant-stop-merriam-mans-034156811.html
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I have met two young men who had brain tumors as teens. Both say they attribute the cancer to drinking a lot of soda.
When we were growing up, have a coke was a once a week at most occurrence. Now kids drink it like water, from an early age.
This stuff is so toxic. Just one a coke can have the equivalence of 12 tsps. of sugar! Young brains just cannot handle this much poison.
Drink H20!
Semper Fi!
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When I was a kid, we were cleaning up after a party and dumped out all the dregs of cola on the lawn. It killed the grass. Really got me thinking maybe this was NOT a good thing to put in my innards.
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Yep… it rots your guts.
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Is this the end of the ‘manly man’? How more men are wearing make-up as they feel increasing pressure to ‘beautify’ themselves
Not me.I wear my old sweat pants around the house and scratch myself no matter who’s there.Don’t like the way I look?Piss off home.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2345233/Is-end-manly-man-How-men-wearing-make-feel-increasing-pressure-beautify-themselves.html
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Harmless fun with a catfish nearly turns deadly
As somebody who’s caught more than a’plenty Catfish,you learn to avoid the first spine in the pectoral fins and the dorsal fin.They are thick and extremely sharp.
http://www.grindtv.com/outdoor/nature/post/harmless-fun-with-a-catfish-nearly-turns-deadly/
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What a fish tail.
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Massive ‘Sheep-Eating’ Plant Set to Bloom in the U.K.
These things are really creepy.They grow 10 feet high and make their own ‘fertilizer’
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/06/20/massive-sheep-eating-plant-set-to-bloom-in-the-u-k/
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Does it eat sheeple? If so, can we buy one way tickets for a few million Obots to the UK?
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Good one!
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A barrel of laughs! Cheeky chalk pub signs are revealed… including one urging wives to leave their men at the ‘Husband Creche’
These are found in pubs all over the UK.I posted one in the header;there are some more at link.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2345754/Cheeky-chalk-pub-signs-revealed–including-urging-wives-leave-men-Husband-Creche.html
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CAT STOLE THE DOG’S BED AND HE AIN’T GIVING IT UP!
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Love it! LOL!! Bob, what’s it mean when a cat flicks it’s tail? I saw the dog wag its tail, so I kinda wondered if they were having a game.
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So cute! Cats just wanna have fun!
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Ordinarily, when cats lash their tails like that, it means they’re ticked off — it’s kind of a “go away and leave me alone” gesture. Not always, though; there are a few cats who wag their tails when they’re happy. Oddly, some of them also like to retrieve. Could be a case of species confusion!
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The strangest food photo trend yet? Diners snap their newborns alongside plates of baby-sized burritos for ‘eat free’ deal
Why would anybody put a 4 pound burrito next to their newborn and take a picture for some free food?
I can see it at the kid’s wedding-oh,here’s a picture of you next to a big tortilla with some chili and cheese so we could get some free grub.And that,son,is how you ended up a paranoid neurotic.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2344496/The-strangest-food-photo-trend-Diners-snap-newborns-alongside-plates-baby-sized-burritos-eat-free-deal.html
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insane
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Best Toilet Papers Wipe Out Top Brands
Of course,if you’re Melissa Etheridge,you only use one square wrapped around your finger,so it doesn’t make a bunch of difference.
To find the best,look no further than WalMart
http://gma.yahoo.com/blogs/abc-blogs/best-toilet-papers-wipe-top-brands-175951115.html
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I thought that was Cheryl Crow?
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Whatever;who gives a rip?
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I think you’re right, GP.
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KLEENEX ALERT #2
THRE YEAR OLD,DEAF SINCE BIRTH,HAS A MICROCHIP IMPLANTED AND HEARS HIS DADDY’S VOICE FOR THE FIRST TIME
http://news.yahoo.com/blogs/lookout/deaf-child-hears-first-time-160928369.html?vp=1
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Warning over falling TOILET SEATS which send more than 1,000 boys to hospital every year
Granny always told me to stand close because it wasn’t that big.
True story:
out toilet has cheap plastic hinges that are prone to pop out.Last week I was finishing my constitutional and as I leaned forward for the final curtain call,the damn seat popped off and we both ended up on the floor.DW thought it was funny as hell.she said she’s heard the phrase ‘shit or get off the pot’,but said this was the first time she saw somebody do both.
I.love.my.wife.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2343832/Warning-danger-falling-toilet-seats-send-1-000-boys-men-hospital-year.html
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You need to write a book! That was hilarious!
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Is Sugar in Fruit Better for You Than Other Sugar?
I had this discussion at some length with the nutritionist before I left the hospital.She said,no orange,grape or apple juice because of the high sugar content,even if it was natural.She also said not to eat too many bananas because of the sugar,even though they are rich in potassium.I eat cantaloupe,honeydew and watermelon along with strawberries and grapes,but I have to substitute Sunny D for my 100% OJ.
http://shine.yahoo.com/healthy-living/sugar-fruit-better-other-sugar-135900244.html
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Sunny D-Are you kidding me? Chemicals like that are just as bad as sugar! Better to eat half an orange. Put it in a Usana Nutrimeal and you have a low glycemic dreamcicle.
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OKAY,TING;HERE’S THE OTHER BRA STORY
Nurses invent disposable ‘Digni Bra’ to protect a woman’s modesty during surgery
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2343769/Nurses-invent-disposable-Digni-Bra-protect-womans-modesty-surgery.html
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Lovely – I never even heard of the paper knickers, much less the bra. It has been a long, long time since I has surgery, almost 26 years ago for a C-section, but all we had was that cotton gown that covered next to nothing. I was awake, and I honestly did not care a whit what anyone saw at that point. But it is a nice gesture.
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I DON’T REMEMBER IF I’VE POSTED THIS ALREADY,DON’T KNOW IF CHRISSY HAS.I’M POSTING IT AGAIN ANYWAY
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Newlywed Busted On Federal Sex Offender Charge
Uh,honey…there’s something I was meaning to tell you.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/sex-offender-wedding-photos-675431
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Revealed: Shocking list of popular foods and drinks readily available in U.S. grocery stores that are BANNED in other countries because their chemicals are deemed ‘dangerous’
I liked Mountain Dew before my diabetes,Fruit Loops were one of the few things on the hospital menu they couldn’t screw up and I lived on TV dinners until I met DW.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2345564/Shocking-list-US-foods-BANNED-countries-containing-dangerous-chemicals.html
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Mountain Dew is the worst. Anything with bromines can destroy thyroid function which leads to wt gain and metabolic syndrome. I am starting a non profit to get this message out. Maybe you should be one of my speakers? I bet you could come up with a hilarious monologue about what not to do!
And I sooooo respect the fact that you are honestly looking at the causes of your health condition. You could have such an impact on young people by helping to educate them.
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The only thing that I like on that list is the Chex Mix, but I prefer to make my own. I guess I feel a little bit safer, but not much. 🙂
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Yeah, I always feel better when I control the ingredients, too. 😉
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Go Nuts! Ooey-gooey Peanut Butter Ice Cream Sauce
Didn’t realize I posted so many food articles today.
This peanut butter sauce may be tasty,but it looks like baby poop to me.
http://shine.yahoo.com/shine-food/nuts-ooey-gooey-peanut-butter-ice-cream-sauce-144300336.html
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Choosy mothers choose almond butter. Much easier to digest!
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We had a rotary diet for allergies. Four days that cycled, with unique foods on each day and related foods only on alternate days. E.g., Pears were Day One; Apples were Day Three. My kids grew up believing that cashew butter belonged on rice cakes and almond butter belonged on Wasa rye crackers. LOL
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To take perfectly good ice cream and put that stuff on it… ugh!
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Kimberly-Clark moves to ease Venezuelan toilet paper shortage
Where else can you go to find so much stuff on food and toilets?
http://news.yahoo.com/kimberly-clark-moves-ease-venezuelan-toilet-paper-shortage-134542760.html
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Terrifed burglar bumps into hanging body and wakes up neighbours with his screams
What a nightmare! Break into a house and bump into a guy that hanged himself.He was scared so shitless the cops didn’t even charge him.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2345640/Night-burglar-bumps-hanging-body-New-Zealand-wakes-neighbours-screams.html
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Talk about being scared straight!
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Dunkin to Sell Gluten-Free Doughnuts in Fast-Food First
Another food post.Sorry.
http://finance.yahoo.com/news/dunkin-sell-gluten-free-doughnuts-201603674.html
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Methinks Pete’s diet is really getting to him! LOL
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Geez, whatever gave you that impression? 😉
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You Won’t Believe What This Woman Found Inside a Used Bible: ‘I Call It My OMG Story’
This is so cool;I won’t spoil it for you.
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/05/29/you-wont-believe-what-this-woman-found-inside-a-used-bible-i-call-it-my-omg-story/
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That was really amazing. A couple of years ago one of my uncles (by marriage) lost his Dad. A few months later a friend of ours was going through things left in a garage that he bought in an area far from where my uncle’s father had lived, but he found a Bible with a leather cover stamped with my uncle’s father’s name. It is a very unique name, so there can be no doubt that it was his. He gave it to me and when we had our Christmas Eve dinner here, I had my uncle’s grandson read from Luke, and then give the Bible to him. He was so overjoyed to have it, and just as shocked as the woman in this story.
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‘Get outof here you dirty d***s’: Lesbians attacked after they had sex in McDonald’s bathroom
OK,contact the LGBT;lets get the boycotts going at Mickey D’s
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2345916/Lesbians-attacked-sex-McDonalds-bathroom.html
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Who cares if they were gay. It’s the sex in public bathroom that’s the issue. Sheesh. KIDS could walk in on that. Or adults who just do not want to see it. I don’t get the appeal anyway. Is the fact it’s semi-public and the kind of place most of us want to get in and out of asap add to their thrill? Ick.
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And just because they were lesbians, that makes it a hate crime, which carries a heavier penalty than ordinary crime — you know, the kind committed against folks who aren’t part of some favored minority.
I’m sorry, but anyone — straight or gay — who has sex in a public bathroom is probably insane and ought to be locked up for his or her own protection. Public bathrooms are so disgusting that normal people don’t even like to use them for their intended purpose, and only do so when it’s necessary and unavoidable. To use one for sex of any variety is … incomprehensible.
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True, it’s disgusting when anyone does it, but the worst is when members of Congress are caught in the act. That’s actually happened, but it’s not fit for ANYONE to see. 😯
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Definitely not. Ugh.
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This reminds me of a character in the Green Mile (Tom Hanks death row flick). The guy on the right, in the middle cell, was just so DEGRADED by his commitment to evil.
He ranted constantly, but it was all the same stuff … body fluids mostly … so that after a while, I was not shocked, just bored. I learned something from that character about how people who turn away from God sink into a more and more limited and stinking cesspool of degradation.
I read something similar in Bill Murray’s autobiography about his mother (Madalyn Murray O’Hair) who lived only to hate and died an alcoholic, drug addict. Ditto Margaret Sanger.
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Bill Murray’s mom was MMO?? No way! Bill’s sister is a NUN! Learn something new every day! 😯
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I think you’ve got the wrong Bill Murray in mind.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Madalyn_Murray_O%27Hair
MMO’s son Bill Murray wrote “My Life Without God” (Harvest House Publishers, 1982) which I thought was fascinating. He became a Christian in 1980.
Learning of his conversion, his mother commented: “One could call this a postnatal abortion on the part of a mother, I guess; I repudiate him entirely and completely for now and all times … he is beyond human forgiveness.”
Awful woman.
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Awful woman, indeed. Sorry, I was thinking of the other Bill Murray. Thanks for the info; I did not know.
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When Chrissy said “Bill Murray” I thought exactly the same thing! Took me a minute to realize which Bill Murray she was talking about. I read the book “My Life Without God” a long, long time ago after hearing Bill interviewed on the radio. His mother was a real piece of work.
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I PROMISED NO POLITICS,BUT I FELT COMPELLED TO INCLUDE THIS IMPASSIONED SPEECH BY VIRGINIA FOXX ON BEHALF OF THE UNBORN
Hope you don’t mind
You can feel this beautiful woman’s pain.God,I hate liberals.
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22 Cats Who Have No Idea What They’re Doing With Their Lives
I like #7
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/cats-who-have-no-idea-what-theyre-doing-with-their-lives
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I normally try to limit my posts to no more than 20 links since I fear y’all will lose interest.I posted a few more today because…well,I just felt like it.Its a long time until Monday.
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Thanks for the feel good Friday posts.
Here is healthy video I posted. Gary Traub has some great lectures on why carbs and not calories are the key to weight gain/loss:
http://preventcanswers.ning.com/video/gary-taubes-ms-calories-vs-carbohydrates-clearing-up-confusion
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And this is my all time favorite video. It makes me laugh so hard every time I see it!
http://preventcanswers.ning.com/video/a-dose-of-humor
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Thanks so much for the fun stories. I hope that all of you have been able to enjoy the show that the lightning bugs have been performing this week. It has been beautiful to watch them up in my trees. Pure magic….
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I love lightning bugs! When I was a little kid I just loved sitting on the back porch on summer evenings and watching lightning bugs fly around the garden. There were two types — the ones that just flashed on and off, and the ones who stayed lit up for a second or two as they flitted around, making little squiggly glowing patterns in the sky. Up here in the north country, there is a different type altogether — they do this odd flickering thing. No matter. They’re wonderful to watch.
(On a slightly more disgusting note, last summer I when I was driving south to Chicago on I-94, I drove through an area where the lightning bugs were thick. They kept flying into my windshield and exploding, and when a lightning bug explodes on your windshield, it makes this spot that glows weirdly for a moment before fading out. Freaky.)
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Head’s up for Pete in particular. You have GOT to go see these pics! I think #33 is Pete at WalMart maybe. Hee hee.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/mattbellassai/45-people-you-wont-believe-actually-exist-6z51
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I think I saw that cat print fleece in #11 at the fabric store a while back. Now I know who bought it. I could see using it to make a blanket for a little girl who love kitties… but a jacket? for an adult? I confess that didn’t occur to me.
As for #19, I kind of sympathize with the parent there. The kid probably refused to move and had to be dragged. When my son was little, I sometimes had to grab him by the straps on his overalls and drag him along. Not often, but those straps did come in handy occasionally.
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I had the same feeling. When I was ginormously preggers with #2, my doc forbade me to lift. Tough to do with a toddler … high chair, car seat, stroller, etc. etc. But I tried. I had some errands so put her at a day care around the corner. When I went to get her, she didn’t want to leave. We explained that Gloria was closing and ALL the kids had to go home now. She didn’t care.
About 4 houses down the sidewalk, she just lay down on the sidewalk and started screaming and kicking etc. A man was feet from us, on his porch (tiny strip of “front yard” only), hiding behind his newspaper. I am certain he was snickering. I had JUST had my back adjusted during my errands and it wasn’t cheap, so I was not about to mess it up getting this little snot off the sidewalk.
I figured Dearest would come eventually and he did. He just picked her up in one move, sidewalk to sack of potatoes over the shoulder and marched her home. LOL One of my favorite memories!
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