Category Archives: Funny Stuff

From The Babylon Bee.

HEAVEN—The Lord of all creation has reportedly bumped up the scheduled date for the consummation of all things after briefly checking Twitter Monday morning and verifying that things are much worse off than they were a year, a month, or even a week ago.

The timeframe to kick off the end times has been set in stone from eternity past, but the Almighty agreed to push it forward “just a little bit” after staring into the abyss of Twitter this morning.

“It was immediately apparent that things needed to be pushed up,” said one heavenly representative. “Both sides of every single ongoing discussion on Twitter were just flaming, trolling, and talking past one another. It was a total cesspool.” Continue reading →

From the Babylon Bee.

Vast Swathes Of Pumpkin Spice Deposits Discovered Beneath Seattle

SEATTLE, WA—Miners working for Starbucks have confirmed an exciting discovery: vast swathes of pumpkin spice buried deep beneath the earth, just under the coffee company’s Seattle headquarters.

The valuable spice is thought to be deposited by giant, killer earthworms known to roam the rocks and dirt throughout the Pacific Northwest. The rare, mesmerizing substance reportedly glows an orangeish hue, and has been described by some as potentially addicting.

From the Babylon Bee.
Socialist Leaders Clarify: ‘We Only Want Socialism For Everyone Else’

“I’m doing pretty well for myself and don’t need socialism,” Bernie Sanders, who is a member of the one percent and owns multiple houses, explained. “Other people aren’t doing so well, and we should redistribute their wealth amongst each other, but I’m fine as I am.”
Continue reading →

From the Babylon Bee.

Nicolas Cage Grills Kavanaugh On Whether Any Secret Maps Are Hidden On Constitution

WASHINGTON, D.C.—The confirmation hearing for Judge Brett Kavanaugh heated up as actor Nicolas Cage began an intense line of questioning Friday: “You say you’ve studied the Constitution,” Cage said to the nominee, “so have you seen anything on it that might resemble a map, maybe pointing to the location of a hidden treasure trove?”

‘At Least I Didn’t Die From Tax Cuts,’ Whispers Man Dying From Kavanaugh Nomination

The man was out for a morning stroll when he suddenly collapsed to the ground. “Ugh, Kavanaugh!” he cried, knowing the Republican plan to slaughter countless numbers of people across the country had finally caught up to him. “Goodbye, cruel world. I’m just glad I survived Hillary’s defeat, the tax cuts, Trump’s tweets, and a strict immigration policy.” Continue reading →

From the Babylon Bee.

The Bee Explains: Common Racist Hand Signals

THESE ARE HILARIOUS!

If there’s one thing you’ve noticed about white nationalists, it’s that they have hands. And something they’ve been doing a lot with their hands lately is sending out secret messages in support of white supremacy. If you see anyone doing any of these hand gestures, you can be certain they are a racist and should report them to the nearest racism reporting facility.

From the Babylon Bee.

Democrats Demand Kavanaugh Submit To DNA Test To Prove He’s Not Actually Hitler

While several Democrats have simply questioned Kavanagh’s prior political opinions, a growing contingent within the Party is demanding that the nominee submit to a DNA test in order to prove that he’s not literally Adolf Hitler. Continue reading →