Category Archives: Funny Stuff

From the Babylon Bee (Christian satire):

U.S.—Doctors speaking on behalf of the nation’s medical community Wednesday recommended that Americans not stare directly into the black, empty void encompassing the nation’s comment sections.

While doctors have long known of the harmful effects of dwelling upon the vast wastelands comprising comment sections on Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, and websites at large, the symptoms have become far more pronounced in recent years, according to medical professionals.

“We’ve found that severe psychological side effects may accompany thinking too long and hard about any comments you encounter while you’re on the internet,” Dr. Sherman Danforth, a leading psychology expert told reporters. “If you must browse a comment section for any reason, we recommend a brief, cautious glance to get a sense of it, but turn away quickly, lest you do irreparable damage to your psyche.”

Doctors also confirmed staring too long into the void of comment sections can have the undesirable side effect of having the void stare back into you.

“Each day, thousands of people stare too long into the black hole of vitriol present in online comment sections, correlating things which were not meant to be correlated in the human mind, and end up babbling incoherently about ‘the eyes in the darkness,’ ‘the black pit,’ and ‘the nameless one,’” Danforth added.

“Don’t let it happen to you.”

Source:

http://babylonbee.com/news/medical-experts-now-recommend-not-staring-directly-comment-sections/

From The Babylon Bee.

U.S.—The nation was in an absolute uproar as the GOP tax bill passed Congress Wednesday and made its way to President Trump’s desk, with millions of irate citizens expressing their total fury over the fact that the federal government will now be taking less of their money week in and week out.

 

Hordes of protesters gathered in the nation’s capital to decry the decrease of government taxation of their incomes, sources confirmed.

“America is dead,” one weeping woman said as she found out she would be giving the government $2,000 less under the new tax plan. “If ever there were a time for Americans to rise up and revolt against government oppression, this is it.”

“George Washington died for our right to give large portions of our paychecks to the federal government, and today Republicans are dancing on his grave,” she added before screaming wildly at the sky in hysterics.

At publishing time, relieved citizens discovered that the new tax rates are merely minimums, and they are free to pay as high a rate as they wish.

Also from The Babylon Bee:

Worship Leader Who Reads Music Arrested on Suspicion of Witchcraft

Local Father Looking Forward to Spending Entire Christmas Holiday Assembling Family’s Gifts

Local Snowflake Resents Being Compared to Fragile College Students