Category Archives: Funny Stuff

Gitmo Detainees Forced to Listen to Hillary’s “What Happened” Audiobook

From The Barbed Wire.

CUBA – Various torture techniques have become controversial over the years for prisoners incarcerated at Guantanamo Bay’s (Gitmo) famous prison. Waterboarding, electric shock and other methods have been criticized for being inhumane.

As of today, President Trump has authorized what many feel could be the most sinister torture method ever used at the facility. All prisoners, regardless of their crimes, will have to endure listening to Hillary Clinton recite her endless list of excuses for losing the 2016 election from the audiobook version of her latest literary flop, What Happened.

The audiobook version of What Happened clocks in at 16 Hours and 50 minutes, which means that prisoners are subjected to her screeching for all hours of the day, except when sleeping.

“Like a voice from the shadows, she haunts my darkest nightmares.” – an unnamed detainee

Every prisoner has pleaded with guards and prison officials to only make them read the book instead. Hearing Hillary’s voice in your own head as you read What Happened is horrifying enough, but having to actually listen to her drone on for hours on end is unbearable. Prison guards are equipped with ear plugs and headphones to block out Hillary’s voice when the recording is played.
Some Senate Democrats, and even Bernie Sanders, have petitioned the White House to back away from the new torture plan. Minority leader Chuck Schumer said the book was one thing, but that “listening to the audio version is clearly a violation of the cruel and unusual punishment clause.”

Intel reports from the Middle East confirm that when a number of ISIS militants received word of the new torture method, they dropped their weapons and fled the battlefield.

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Sunday funnies

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A Punny Thing Happened

Hopefully some of these may be as good as Bluebird has on her blog.

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Happy Caturday

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Cat News

My files are overflowing with images of all manner. In honor of our beloved Bluebird and her grandcats, I’m posting a few along with some other feline frivolity.

World’s Longest Cat Uses 19-Inch Body to Steal Snacks Off the Dinner Table

The world’s longest cat is here to reach into your heart with his supermodel limbs.
Arcturus Aldebaran Powers, a Savannah cat from Ann Arbor, Michigan, is now the World’s Largest Domestic Cat according to Guinness World Records, measuring just more than 29 in.
The 2-year-old cat weighs 30 lbs. and keeps his impressive body nourished by eating more than 1 lb. of food a day, reports The Telegraph. Arcturus also uses his length in an attempt to get extra snacks, often standing on his hind legs to reach the family kitchen table, which he shares with owners Will and Lauren.

http://www.msn.com/en-us/lifestyle/whats-hot/worlds-longest-cat-uses-19-inch-body-to-steal-snacks-off-the-dinner-table/ar-AArvCii?li=BBnbfcL&ocid=UE12DHP

Man left unable to get an erection after being scratched by a CAT and contracting rare feline disease

The unidentified patient, from Belgium, suffered erectile dysfunction due to an invasive cat-scratch disease

It is caused by bacteria called Bartonella henselae found in the mouth and claws of cats.
Those coming into contact with the disease can suffer fevers, pustules with complications from the illness even becoming fatal.
Women and girls accounted for 62 per cent and 55.6 per cent respectively of the diagnoses.
Cat owners are being warned to think twice when they cuddle their cat – and to always wash their hands after hugs and kisses with their fuzzy friend.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/news/4459712/man-unable-erection-cat-scratch/

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Former Conservative Recalls Belittling Tirade from College Student That Brought Him Over to Left

From The Onion. (WARNING: CRUDE LANGUAGE)

ST. PAUL, MN—Explaining how the string of personal insults and sharply worded accusations caused him to reevaluate every one of his political leanings, former conservative Vincent Welsh recalled for reporters Friday the belittling tirade from a college student that brought him over to the left.

“It was last October and I’d just mentioned my support for a Republican congressional candidate on Twitter when this 19-year-old responded by telling me I was an ignorant asshole who hated the poor and that I was everything that was wrong with the world, and it just completely opened my eyes to how incorrect my whole worldview was,” said Welsh, fondly recounting how the sophomore sociology major converted him to liberalism on the spot by calling him a hateful bigot and saying he was too much of a “brainwashed puppet” of corporate interests to know what was best for him, instantaneously invalidating the 56 years of individual thought and life experience that had led him to his previous political beliefs.

“I remember how he said anyone who didn’t support Scandinavian-style social policies was nothing more than a greedy capitalist leech and I was just like, ‘Wow, yes, that makes total sense.’ And then when he called me a fascist piece of shit and condescendingly asked if I’d ever once looked up from my copy of Atlas Shrugged, that was the moment I saw what a complete fool I’d been and knew I had to reject all my political positions and adopt his ideology in total.”

Welsh then expressed his deep gratitude that the young man had even stopped to direct the series of derogatory tweets at him in the first place, saying he would likely still be a “money-grubbing racist shithead who spends all day sucking the Koch brothers’ dicks” if not for the magnanimous individual.

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Time Sensitive Memes

While doing the last post I accidentally hit “edit post” button and couldn’t recover. These are like today’s newspapers. Tomorrow they’ll be irrelevant.

THIS IS WHY I LOVE CHICK-FIL-A

GOLDEN TATE III IS AN ALL-PRO WIDE RECEIVER FOR THE DETROIT LIONS
HE WORE THESE YESTERDAY TO HONOR THE FALLEN FROM 9/11

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Checking in with Los Feliz

Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:

 

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More Sunday Funnies

Not as funny as Bluebird’s, but I soldier on.

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Sunday funnies

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