Water we supposed to do about this?

From The Duffel Blog (which we’re beginning to suspect is all wet).

WASHINGTON — The US government has raised its terror warning status this week after the FBI issued a warning that the terror group ISIS may have access to the chemical dihydrogen monoxide (DHMO), and may be preparing to use it in attacks on US soil.

Sources say the group has used the substance to launch probing attacks on multiple US coastal cities. A recent attack in Louisiana has destroyed thousands of homes, although ISIL has not yet claimed responsibility.

“We’re doing everything we can to dry up their supply of DHMO,” said FBI Director James Comey. “We’ve been inundated by a flood of information in the past twenty-four hours, and we hope some of that will trickle down into actionable intelligence.”

Already, numerous drone strikes have been launched against suspected DHMO storage facilities, but thus far they have “barely made a ripple,” say Central Intelligence Agency sources.

The FBI has warned Americans to avoid drinking from public taps, as they may have been saturated with DHMO by ISIL sleeper cells.

Secretary of Defense Ashton Carter says his anger “is boiling over, as in recent years Congress has siphoned off the resources designed to ebb such a threat.”

“We no longer have a well of funding specifically designed to dam the flow of DHMO streaming out of the Middle East,” said Carter. “And without those resources, they’re using it to really mop the floor with us.”

As to how vast ISIL’s DHMO supply actually is, Carter suspects they have “oceans of it.” According to analysts, he says, they have so much that they are “literally drowning in it.”

“Whether we’re able to get to the bottom of this,” says Carter, “really depends on which way the tide turns.”


Filed under Funny Stuff

4 responses to “Water we supposed to do about this?

  1. Water we ‘sposed ta doo?????
    Why, drink deeeep a dat bitter cup
    and rising up on the wings |of Love
    Fly to the Glory Above
    of course
    what else
    A Men!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Heh. Ever seen the vids of petitions to ban that dangerous chemical? Folks would sign to remove oxygen from the atmosphere, if you did it right!

    I haven’t recorded this song (yet), but I wrote it at least as long ago as 1997.

    Dihydrogen Monoxide – Safe enough for children and pets. Washes your clothes. Wets your whistle. Have some today.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Hahahah! “All wet.” Nice one, Blue!

    Liked by 1 person