2020

ECONOMICS If pigs could vote

VOTER SUPPRESESION: Stacey Abrams, Hillary Clinton, and Kamala Harris are actively promoting a conspiracy theory about a nationwide voter suppression scheme they claim has already cost the Democrats key contests in 2018.

Wait, wut? Didn’t they win the House in 2018?

Ironically, the probable effect of such evidence-free claims will be to depress Democratic turnout in 2020 as the very supporters upon whom they heavily rely conclude there is little point in voting.

BERNIE: The Bern and his sidekick AOC (who was flummoxed by her shiny new garbage disposal) totes know how to “help the underbanked.” Let the postal service do it!

I’m confused about the point of this. I already get free checking, interest earing savings, and a debit card that acts just like a Mastercard (except it draws on my checking, because I’m hopeless with debt) and costs me a whole $1 per month.

And doesn’t the post office already sell money orders which are kind of like checks? What else should they get into, for goodness sake? Checking, savings, mortgages. Ooh, ooh, I know. STUDENT LOANS!

BIDEN: I’m not holding my breath waiting on Slow Joe to defend pro-lifers – Character and convictions really mean nothing to Democrats. This from CNN: Joe Biden once spoke about jailing employers who hire “illegals,” said sanctuary cities shouldn’t be allowed to violate federal law, and argued a border fence was needed stop “tons” of drugs coming into the country from “corrupt Mexico.” What the heck. Is CNN feeling the Bern?

2019_05 12 Jerk Chicken Kamal

KAMALA: This photo also earned some ridicule for the perfectly white and sharply creased apron that looks like it has never, ever been used before … cuz it probably hasn’t. And won’t be again. Ever. Her press secretary jumped in with a Fact Check about how aprons get creased. (Hint: It involves folding.)

KAMALA: She’s for Bernie’s “Medicare for All” which would eliminate all private health insurance. But she doesn’t support getting rid of private health insurance. Ooookay. But I’m supposed to believe her when she assures me that it would give us all more and better services for less money? Tell your stupid sheeple. I ain’t that dumb.

INSLEE: Well, THAT was really “presidential” – What could epitomize American greatness better than Scooter Force One?

FAUXCAHONTAS: Wait, wut? We need HER in the White House to hold criminals personally responsible for actions that are already against the law? Don’t we have a whole justice system that already does that kind of thing?

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