AOC Traumatized After Car Being Driven by Ted Cruz Backfires

WASHINGTON – Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez was unable to work Friday after being traumatized from an incident involving a fellow politician. A day before, AOC had accused Senator Ted Cruz of trying to have her murdered during the unrest at the Capitol on Jan. 6.

Whether it’s climate change, economics, or anything Republican-related, AOC is considered the drama queen of all drama queens. She accused Ted Cruz’s words of making her a marked woman, when Cruz did nothing of the sort. Still, she pretends to be on edge.

On Friday morning, as Senator Cruz cruised into the Capitol parking lot in his 2008 Chrysler LeBaron, his car backfired. Cortez and several of her aides screamed and hit the ground. According to witnesses, Cruz was laughing his ass off in his car at the sight.

The shaken congresswoman, unable to work the rest of the day, was only able to tweet after the incident. “Sen. Cruz tried to shoot me with his car today. As much as I would like to work with him on issues we can agree on, I refuse to do so with someone who continues targeting me.”

Cruz responded, saying, “Give me a break. My car backfired. The engine timing is off, maybe a cracked distributor cap, I don’t know. I need to get it checked out, but I just haven’t gotten around to it. Good lord, where does she come up with this stuff?”

At first, Cortez thought she had narrowly escaped sniper fire, like Hillary Clinton imagined she had. But after talking with aides, she determined Cruz had tried to shoot her with his car.

“I don’t know what, like, backfiring is, but I’m going to call a gun store and ask them. If I can save even one drama queen from being the victim of a backfire, it’s worth it.”

When told that backfiring was the by-product of a combustible engine, she first said she didn’t know that cars were a type of gun. Then, she insisted this is another reason to rid our world of fossil-fueled engines. AOC claimed that future engines, powered by flower petals, would never backfire.