From the Babylon Bee.
Senate To Be Replaced With Room Full Of Monkeys Throwing Feces
WASHINGTON, D.C.—In an emergency overnight referendum, the American people voted on Thursday to replace the United States Senate with a room full of monkeys throwing feces. The measure passed with 57% of the vote. 22% of voters thought the Senate should be replaced by barking seals, while 17% voted that the replacement should be the pit of venomous snakes from Indiana Jones.
Author Archives: Pistol Pete
Senate to Be Replaced with Poo Flingers
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Filed under Funny Stuff
Man Eater Skeeters
A plague of monster mosquitoes descended on North Carolina in recent weeks, spawned from floodwaters left behind by Hurricane Florence.
Resident Cassie Vadovsky returned home from picking her four-year-old daughter up from school last Tuesday, when an army of the blood-sucking insects swarmed the family’s vehicle and left the pair trapped inside for some time. Continue reading
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Filed under Loose Pollen
California in Middle America
My state is like California, only with really bad weather a lot of the time. I work in a convenience store surrounded by Section 8 apartments. A huge percentage of our customers live on welfare. They get paid the first of the month, cash their checks, and keep it in their pockets. None of them have bank accounts because of creditors and court-ordered child support contempt citations. Last night I had a parade of people paying for little cigars nicknamed ‘blunts’, because they replace the tobacco with marijuana, with $20 bills. 70% of our customers buy them. They also make small purchases and pay with 20s, 50s, and 100s. We’re $200 billion in unfunded pension benefits and they’re taxing businesses out of the state. Continue reading
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Filed under Loose Pollen
Trump Campaigns for Marsha Blackburn
President Trump is the best, indeed the ONLY one who can make a difference for Republicans in tight races.
He held a rally for Republican senatorial candidate Marsha Blackburn in Tennessee. There was an overflow crowd of thousands wanting to get in to see him. I have posted a number of short videos in the reply section where he hits Pelosi and Blumenthal and calls her opponent a tool of Chuck U. Schumer.
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Filed under Donald Trump
A Word of Warning Sure to Be Ignored
Dems about to pay dearly in November for grossly overplaying Kavanaugh hand
Democrats may be feeling a smug sense of triumph over the circus they have unleashed in the confirmation process of Brett Kavanaugh but one member of the Party warns they will paying the price in November.
“The only hope was to find or create a horrific allegation against Kavanaugh and leak it to the press just before a final vote. The accusation didn’t need to be accurate or verifiable, of course. Democrats simply needed a dramatic distraction and subsequent delay,” Wright continued. Continue reading
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Filed under Democrats
Manchin Pressured on Vote
Let’s be clear. Joe Manchin is NOT a “moderate Democrat.” There is no such animal. The Obamacare vote proved that. They just come with different price tags. He always votes with his party unless given permission to pretend to have a conservative stance. He’s in a fight for his career and he knows it. If he votes against confirming Kavanaugh, he’s in trouble. That’s the real reason all this clown show is going on…delay the vote so Democrats won’t suffer for their treachery.
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Filed under Joe Manchin
No Better in Ting’s District
Our beloved Ting lives in Richmond, Virginia. Dave Brat is her representative. Brat’s Democrat opponent is just as slimy and repugnant as the rest of his party.
Workers For Democratic Opponent Leave Threatening Message For VA Republican Dave Brat
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Filed under David Brat
This Is My Hometown
Rockford is the second most violent city in Illinois. We get a lot of our criminals from Chicago, which is an hour’s drive away. Overall, it’s a beautiful place, nickname The Forest City, but we have a goodly infestation of Democrats. Many whites have moved to suburban Machesney Park and Loves Park, where I live.
Republican Headquarters In Rockford, Illinois Vandalized With Word ‘Rape’
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Filed under Loose Pollen
The Media Will Never Report This
Trump Scores NAFTA Deal After Last-Minute Negotiations With Canada
Critics claimed he’d never do it.
The United States reached a trade deal with Mexico and Canada late Sunday night, providing Trump a crucial win as he has long promised to renegotiate the pact. Continue reading
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Filed under Donald Trump
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