Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:
Author Archives: bluebird of bitterness
You’ve come a long way, baby
(Hat tip to our good friend mindful webworker.)
Filed under Feminism, Funny Stuff
Middle Earth Announces Heavy Tariffs on Narnian Imports
From The Babylon Bee.
MINAS TIRITH, GONDOR—Kicking off a major trade war between the two kingdoms, the Middle-Earth Trade Federation has announced heavy tariffs on the import of Narnian steel, sending the stock market into a freefall Thursday.
Any steel imported from Narnia to Gondor, Rohan, Erebor, or Mirkwood will be subject to a 30% tax. The move is expected to raise the end consumer price of various imported goods significantly, according to expert economists working at Rivendell.
“Trade wars are great, and they’re really easy to win,” the king of Gondor said in a dispatch via carrier pigeon. “If we keep allowing cheap Narnian steel to flood the market, our own blacksmiths won’t be able to be competitive. This act will strengthen our own economies and create hundreds of thousands of jobs, from the Grey Havens to the far reaches of Ithilien.”
Cair Paravel was quick to respond to the aggressive trade maneuver, planning to levy tariffs on exports of Middle-Earth products like lembas bread, magical fireworks, and oliphaunt tusks. The Kings and Queens of Narnia claim the tactic is designed to force the METF to back off their original restrictive tariffs, which they say will harm both universe’s economies.
The move also ratcheted tensions up between the two fictional universes at a time when Mordor is reportedly on the verge of acquiring nuclear weapons, reporters claim.
More stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee:
All-Seeing Eye of Sauron Unveiled at Facebook Headquarters
Democrats Announce All 2020 Candidates Will Forgo Armed Security to Protest Gun Violence
Ultrasound Shows Unborn Baby Holding “Keep Your Laws Off My Body” Sign
Christian Woman Spends 10% of Paycheck at Hobby Lobby in Lieu of Tithing
Larry Boy Confirmed for “Avengers: Infinity War”
“The Message” Now Available in Popular Comic Sans Font
Facebook Reminds Users Its Terms of Service Specifically Allow for Orwellian Social Engineering
Opinion: If You Like to Talk to Tomatoes, Seek Professional Counseling Immediately
Filed under Funny Stuff
Checking in with Los Feliz
Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:
Filed under Funny Stuff
Checking in with Los Feliz
Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:
Filed under Funny Stuff
Harvard Now Offering Four-Year Degree in Feeling Oppressed
From The Babylon Bee.
CAMBRIDGE, MA—Responding to consumer demand, Ivy League bellwether Harvard University announced Monday its new four-year Bachelor’s degree in Feeling Oppressed.
“For those lucky enough to be able to afford the quarter-million-dollar cost of attending our prestigious school, we are offering a comprehensive program that will prepare you for a lifetime of convincing yourself that you are a perpetual victim and nothing that happens in your life is your own fault,” Harvard president Drew Faust announced in an afternoon press conference.
“It doesn’t matter who you are, where you’re from, what your background is, whether or not you’re by far the most privileged people in the history of our planet—you should feel oppressed, and we will prove it to you.”
Pressed by a reporter about the feasibility of finding a successful career and contributing to society after attaining a degree in Feeling Oppressed, Faust suggested that this would be the generation to implement universal income, rendering productive careers obsolete and freeing citizens to “fight oppression even more.”
Asked by another reporter, “Doesn’t Harvard already pretty much include unofficial training in feeling oppressed in each one of your degrees?” Faust called the question “offensive” and abruptly wrapped up the press conference.
Comments Off on Harvard Now Offering Four-Year Degree in Feeling Oppressed
Filed under Funny Stuff
CNN Purchases Industrial-Sized Washing Machine to Spin News Before Publication
From The Babylon Bee.
ATLANTA, GA—In order to aid the news station in preparing stories for consumption, popular news media organization CNN purchased an industrial-sized washing machine to help its journalists and news anchors spin the news before publication.
The custom-made device allows CNN reporters to load just the facts of a given issue, turn a dial to “spin cycle,” and within five minutes, receive a nearly unrecognizable version of the story that’s been spun to fit with the news station’s agenda.
One reporter was seen inserting the facts of a recent news story early Thursday morning.
“Okay, so we just slip in the location, the people involved, the facts of the story, and there we go,” he muttered as he fiddled with the buttons and dials on the machine. “Spin for five minutes on high, and we’ll have ourselves a news story.”
Minutes later, he removed the story and found it had turned into a perfect piece to push universal health care, common-sense gun control, and the removal of President Trump from office.
“Perfect!” he said, taking the story straight to his computer in order to upload it to CNN’s website.
At publishing time, CNN had also purchased an industrial-sized trash compactor in order to help compress and distort facts to fit into its preconceived narrative.
More stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee:
IRS Still Waiting for Liberals to Voluntarily Mail Their Refund Checks Back
Mark Zuckerberg Finishes Morning Reading of Favorite Devotional, ‘1984’
Joel Osteen’s Bible Spotted Shivering Under Seedy Freeway Overpass
Facebook Sends Warm Reminder to Publishers That It Is in Complete Control of Their Livelihood
Filed under Funny Stuff
Reasons to keep Planned Parenthood out of schools
Comments Off on Reasons to keep Planned Parenthood out of schools
Filed under Abortion, Planned Parenthood
Nation That Calls Trump ‘Hitler’ Demands He Take All Guns Away
From The Babylon Bee.
U.S.—Sources across the United States confirmed Friday that the cross-section of citizenry which has been comparing President Donald Trump to Adolf Hitler for two years has begun to demand that he take guns away from all citizens at once.
Passionate protests and rallies recently all demanded the “dangerous madman” confiscate everybody’s firearms.
“Trump is a dangerous tyrant, so he should be the only one with deadly weapons!” one woman screamed at an anti-gun protest. “People obviously can’t be trusted with them. Instead, we need to entrust them only to the most powerful man on the planet, who has proven time and time again he’s no better than history’s most violent dictators and has the potential to become an iron-fisted totalitarian!”
Holding up a variety of colored signs and chanting various slogans, the protesters simultaneously upheld the ideas that Donald Trump is a raving lunatic and that any citizens who wish to own a firearm in order to protect themselves and their families have “blood on their hands.”
At publishing time, the nation had continued to blame gun owners for any shooting that occurs in the United States, while absolving Planned Parenthood of killing millions upon millions of babies.
More stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee:
Megachurch Introduces Frequent Tither Rewards Card
How Woke Are You? Take the Quiz!
Federal Government Launches GoFundMe Campaign to Pay off $20 Trillion National Debt
Kamala Harris Makes Brief Appearance at Gun Violence Protest on Way to Pro-Abortion Rally
Man Joins CrossFit Without Telling Anyone
Fed Up With Deadly Violence, Nation Demands Common-Sense Abortion Control
Local Believer Shows No Evidence of Salvation Before Morning Coffee
Filed under Funny Stuff
Checking in with Los Feliz
Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:
Filed under Funny Stuff
polination.blog 