Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:
Author Archives: bluebird of bitterness
NBA to Assign ‘Adversity Score’ to Pudgy White Guys Who Want to Play Professional Basketball
From The Babylon Bee.
U.S.—The NBA announced Friday that for the upcoming basketball season, the league will be assigning an “adversity score” to overweight white dudes to help more of them get signed with professional basketball teams.
The score will take into account many environmental and biological factors, like the fact that they’re white guys who can’t jump and get winded while walking up a small flight of stairs. It will also take into account the fact that they don’t know anything about the fundamentals of the game and tend to shout things like “I’m open! Hey, I’m open!” even when they’re clearly not open. Finally, white dudes who scarf down whole bags of Cheetos daily, drink a six-pack of beer every night, and haven’t exercised in years will receive a “considerable boost” from the new weighted point system.
Filed under Funny Stuff
Caravan of Unborn Babies Heads Toward Alabama to Apply for Asylum
From The Babylon Bee.
U.S.—According to sources all across the country, a caravan of unborn babies has formed to head toward Alabama in an attempt to avoid the rest of the country’s barbaric abortion laws.
The unborn humans, mostly residing in the wombs of pro-choice mothers, learned of the new law as their moms watched CNN and listened to NPR. Each of them would then sneak out of their mom’s womb in the middle of the night, slip into a state-of-the-art artificial womb they ordered on Amazon, steal their mother’s car, and make a break for the Alabama border.
Filed under Funny Stuff
Checking in with Los Feliz
Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:
Filed under Funny Stuff
Report: All Six Men Attracted to Feminists Deeply Affected by Sex Strike
From The Babylon Bee.
U.S.—According to a new report performed by the American Public Health Association, all six men who are sexually attracted to feminists are already suffering deeply from the ongoing sex strike for abortion rights.
The six men in the nation who identify as feminist-attracted include Greg, Sebastien, Shiloh, Ansel, Jade, and Ashley. All of them are from Oregon.
Filed under Funny Stuff
Biden Vows to Return Nation to Era When Press Didn’t Bother Reporting on President’s Scandals
From The Babylon Bee.
WASHINGTON, D.C.—Speaking on The View, presidential candidate Joe Biden promised to bring the nation back to an era when the media pretended the president didn’t have any scandals.
Biden pointed out that nowadays there’s a new presidential scandal every day on the news, some real, some invented.
“Back when I was in office, we had plenty of scandals, but it was much nicer, because the media just didn’t report on them,” he said. “It was a lot more pleasant to watch the news. The press just told you everything was fine in the White House.”
Filed under Funny Stuff
Missed It by That Much: Hillary Clinton Almost Wins ‘Wheel of Fortune’ but Then Shouts ‘Easter Worshiper’ Instead of ‘Christian’
From The Babylon Bee.
Some people think Hillary Clinton is robotic and hard to sympathize with, but even our hearts went out to her on this one.
On a special politicians’ episode of Wheel of Fortune, failed presidential candidate Hillary Clinton nearly took home the grand prize. She was on the last puzzle of the regular rounds of the game, which read, CHRISTI_N. The audience began to cheer as it appeared Clinton had finally won something.
But, as is usual for Clinton, she snatched defeat from the jaws of victory, and shouted “Easter worshiper!” instead of the obvious answer, which was “Christian.”
Filed under Funny Stuff
Checking in with Los Feliz
Los Feliz Daycare (motto: “We do not accept immunized children”) is an ultra-progressive child care center in an unspecified affluent neighborhood on the left coast. Some recent tweets:
Filed under Funny Stuff
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