by | March 6, 2012 · 1:47 am

Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Southerner?

Here  is a little test that will help you decide.

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife and children. Suddenly, a man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you. You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family. What do you do?   

THINK  CAREFULLY BEFORE READING FURTHER.

If you answered, “Well, that’s not enough information to answer the question … do I have a phone to call 911? What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP? Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack? Could we run away? What does my wife think? What does the law say about this situation?  Is this gun registered? Why am I an expert shot? I hate guns. What kind of message does carrying a loaded gun send to my children? Is it possible this man would be happy with just killing me? Maybe he would be content to just wound me. If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Why is this street so deserted? Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior? We need to raise taxes, have a paint & weed day. I can’t answer this question right now. I need to talk it over with my friends and try to come to a consensus…”, then you are a Democrat.

If you answered, “BANG!”, then you are a Republican.

If you answered, “BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click reload BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!”, then you are a Southerner. And if your family said things like, “Nice grouping” or “Can I shoot the next one?”, then they are Southerners too and you should all go out and get yourself some fried food with lots of bar-b-que sauce on it to celebrate.

11 Comments

Filed under Democrats, Republicans

11 responses to “Are you a Democrat, a Republican or a Southerner?”

  1. Ting's avatar Ting
    March 6, 2012 at 10:56 pm

    Very funny! I have no idea about the gun stuff, but I know my fried food with barbecue sauce – and the perfectly arched Southern lady eyebrow will stop that knife wielding maniac in a heartbeat!

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    • chrissythehyphenated's avatar chrissythehyphenated
      March 6, 2012 at 11:40 pm

      Oh phew. I rewrote the email that came in to tighten it up and (I think) improve the humor. I added the celebration part and was kinda guessing about the fried food with bbq sauce. I have heard often these are staples, but after I posted, got to wondering if I’d erred in putting them together like that.

      One of my dds married a staunch Texan … he let her have her northern winter wedding (he hates the cold!) only on the condition she agree to settle in Texas LOL. He lurves his guns, his grill and his tomato-based bbq sauce.

      Now me and mine, we are die-hard Cornell Saucers and ain’t NOTHING gonna make me eat that red crap. I think we can make this marriage work though. After all, we managed to have 4 Army and 2 Marines without anybody going off the rails. Hee hee.

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    • chrissythehyphenated's avatar chrissythehyphenated
      March 6, 2012 at 11:43 pm

      RE: Southern Lady Intimidation … have you seen The Blind Side? One of my favorite lines is when she is staring down this huge, muscley, black drug-dealer ON HIS TERRITORY, telling him to stay away from her son.

      When he menaces her with a gun, she pats her purse and says, “I’m in a Bible-study with the DA, I belong to the NRA and I am always packing.”

      He sneers and says, “Oh what, you carry a little Saturday night special?”

      And she says, “Yes. And it shoots good every other day of the week, too.”

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