Posted by Pistol Pete
So glad this is Friday.Were it any other day I’d have to report about:
the 89 year old WWII vet beaten to death in a VFW parking lot by two members of the Negroid race
The hot dog seller outside the Home Depot beaten with a hammer by 4 MOTNR for his cellphone
The man found burned to death in an empty Memphis lot by 2 MOTNR
As of this writing no suspects were in custody in any of these cases.
I will not comment further for obvious reasons.
NOW HOW ABOUT SOME FUN?
I HAD TO STEAL THIS ONE FROM BLUEBIRD.
Frankly,I was shocked she posted it at GFC
HEY,GRUNT:DIDN’T WE ALL SUSPECT SHE HAD A BIGGER ONE THAN HER RAPIST HUSBAND?
THE WHITE HOUSE IS PLANNING A CLOSED-DOOR HEARING ON BISEXUALITY NEXT MONTH.REALLY.
THINGS THAT MAKE YOU GO EEEEWWWWWWWWWW
Added by CtH, cuz I just saw it at Facebook and Pete NEEDS it in his collection. ::snork::
polination.blog 
Shock claim: 40,000 public school teachers moonlight on sugar-daddy website
Yeesh.When I was in school the women teachers moonlighted as professional wrestlers.
http://news.yahoo.com/shock-claim-40-000-public-school-teachers-moonlight-133404548.html
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Duck Dynasty’ Star Surprises Camo-Clad Bride and Groom at Field & Stream Store Nuptials
How did the guy talk her into getting married in camo?
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/08/17/duck-dynasty-star-surprises-camo-clad-bride-and-groom-at-field-stream-store-nuptials/
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I could’ve gone for it. I look awful in white. Oh wait. My in laws would’ve had kittens. Scratch that.
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You’ve got to be kidding! Dog who wears specially designed ‘breasts’ to feed goats
You can see the humiliation in that poor canine’s face
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2396239/Gladys-dog-wears-specially-designed-milk-pants-feed-baby-goats–doesnt-look-happy-it.html
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Got some funny videos today
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ROFLLLLLLLLLLLLLL
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Why did they leave out the climax? I am still trying to figure out if these guys got their come uppance for doing such a dirty trick in a public place.
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Holy crud! I give! I give!! I cannot compete with this professional level EWWW-factor! 😯
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Woman Holds Two Men Hostage Till One Will Have Sex With Her
I always thought any woman could get it if she wanted it.Then I saw her picture.Now I get it.
http://weaselzippers.us/2013/08/17/woman-holds-two-men-hostage-till-one-will-have-sex-with-her/
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The real life Rapunzel: World record holder says her 55ft long dreadlocks could paralyse her but she will never cut them
You have to see this to believe it.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2396679/The-real-life-Rapunzel-World-record-holder-says-55ft-long-dreadlocks-paralyse-cut-them.html
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Not sure who is more pathetic … this one or the previous one. I just want to give them both Bibles. GOD loves them! They don’t need sex or hair to make them special.
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She could clog a whole municipal sewer system in one washing. Gross!
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Dad Thought He Was Victim of ‘Candid Camera Joke’ When He and His Son Were Kicked Out of Football Game for Something So Simple
This is really stupid.Some ushers take their job way too seriously
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/08/22/dad-asks-son-to-hold-his-beer-so-he-can-take-photo-at-football-game-gets-kicked-out/
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A group of us were talking and laughing while waiting for a movie to start. Mind you … the lights were still ON and we were not being crude, loud or rowdy. This JERK of an usher came over and told us to shut up or he’d throw us out. Now that I think back … he probably got yelled at unfairly by his boss who was mad at his wife or something. That’s one of the things about forgiveness. It stops the “pay it forward” of bad stuff that can poison so many people’s days.
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I’d go easy on him.He probably makes crappy money and tries to compensate by acting like he’s in charge of something.
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J’aime Henri Le Chat!
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I’d vote for him…
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17 Heart-Stopping Foods At The Iowa State Fair
Before I breathe my last,let me enjoy one double-bacon corn dog.Some of these look sinfully delicious.
http://www.buzzfeed.com/bennyjohnson/17-heart-stopping-foods-at-the-iowa-state-fair
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Things at the top of the long list of What Chrissy Cannot Eat: Bacon. Corn. Hot dogs. Just READING “double-bacon corn dog” gave me the collywobbles! LOL
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I use to think this kind of food was gross. Now I cannot even imagine wanting to take a bite of any of it.
It is hard to go places when you want to eat healthy sometimes.
But my stomach, and my health is worth the effort.
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No temptation there for me.
Except that watermelon looked pretty good. I love watermelon.
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This year, the MN state fair has cocoa puff-battered, fried cheese curds, served with chocolate dipping sauce. *shudder*
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The thought of that is giving ME the collywobbles.
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CRAZY CANADIAN DENTIST PAYS $30,000 FOR JOHN LENNON’S ROTTEN MOLAR IN HOPES OF EXTRACTING ENOUGH DNA TO CLONE HIM
This clown’s got way,way too much money.
http://dailycaller.com/2013/08/22/crazy-canadian-dentist-cant-just-let-it-be/
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Who needs coffee? Sprayable Energy claims to provide a caffeine kick with just a quick spritz on the skin
Thanks but no thanks.I don’t have that kind of energy anymore anyway.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2400055/Who-needs-coffee-Sprayable-Energy-claims-provide-caffeine-kick-just-quick-spritz-skin.html#ixzz2cobcET1D
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I’ll never forget when granny took me to get my license when I was 16.I’d been driving the tractor and the old pickup on the farm for years.I aced my driving test and she let me drive home.The entire way she nagged me about doing 45 in a 40 MPH zone.When we took I-90 to Chicago to see her cousin and go to a ball game,she was never much under 90MPH.Thats how she was.
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My mom took me for a few driving lessons in her car. She was used to the view from the driver’s seat, so being in shotgun made everything look too close. I was fine, but she’d feel like I was about to hit something and kept GRABBING the dash and sucking air in through her teeth.
The up side of this torture was that I was utterly immune to the road test guy. One of my friends was SO nervous, when he told her to pull out, she put the car into reverse instead of drive and floored it. He screamed STOP and got out. Instant fail. Me? No problem. The man just sat there with his clipboard. He never grabbed anything or sucked his teeth or anything. I passed first try.
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The old geezer who gave me my driving test was a jackass. He accused me of running stop signs, when I had come to a full stop exactly like they’d taught us in driver’s ed. He hollered at me for driving too fast, when I stayed well under the posted speed limit the whole time. The best part was when we came to a red light, where he told me to take a right turn. I came to a full stop, looked both ways, saw that no one was coming, and then started to make the right turn. Illinois law had recently been changed to allow right turns on red, but this old fart had apparently forgotten, and he started screaming “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! THAT LIGHT IS RED!!” I pointed out politely that state law allowed a right turn on red, and he got all flustered and embarrassed and mumbled something to the effect of maybe so, but you can’t do that at this intersection, because it’s too busy. In fact it wasn’t busy at all, and unless there is actually a sign saying “NO TURN ON RED,” which there wasn’t, right turn on red is permitted. What an idiot he was. I couldn’t believe after all that I still got my license.
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Play it again Sammy! That was hilarious!
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A-flockalypse Now: Canadians order DRONE strikes on nuisance geese by equipping remote-controlled copters with speakers to scare off the wild birds
Canada geese are just nasty
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2399941/Canadians-order-DRONE-strikes-nuisance-geese-away-Petrie-Island.html#ixzz2codPbqMo
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They also poop. A lot. We have a flock that stops over two nights a year, once going north, once going south. Fortunately, they use a cow pasture that’s very wet at one end, so it’s got lots of what they want and the farmer couldn’t care. I hear when they overnight on golf courses, they leave a real mess.
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These “fouls” are horrible around our area. They dump their slime all along our riverwalk. I have a dear Canadian friend who came to visit and I begged her to take her feather friends back with her when she left. She said they only speak English and she is from French Canada so don’t blame her. Now I am going to have to ask her if she can bring a Canadian drone next time she visits. lol
Or maybe we can get those duck dynasty guys to come to town?
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I got bit twice in one day by the same goose at the zoo…he had a sign around his neck that said he was a biter. Came right at me both times! I still wonder why they just let it wander around like that.
Related: http://www.kulfoto.com/funny-pictures/25554/the-goose-will-attack-you
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A man walked into a bank in College Station, Md., told the teller that he had recently been adopted by Michelle Obama and asked to be given access to her account. The teller was quite skeptical of his story, told him the first lady did not have an account there, and asked him to leave. He refused. Police came and scooped him up along with the two bags of marijuana in his pocket.
HEY, HOW WAS I GOING TO GET HOME? … After being released from the Chandler, Ariz., police station, where he was cited for a misdemeanor alcohol violation, a man stole an ambulance that was parked outside, and drove to his home in Guadalupe. He was arrested.
HOW DID YOU RECOGNIZE ME? … A man burglarized a home in St. Louis, but was spotted by the homeowner leaving the scene on a motor scooter. Knowing that she would give his description to the police, he cut off his dreadlocks to change his appearance. Police were not fooled, as the victim also mentioned that he had a St. Louis Cardinals tattoo on his face.
OK, WE’RE BACK … HEY, WHAT THE …! … Two men went into a Chicago restaurant and announced a robbery, but the owner asked them to return later when the place was less crowded. They did. And, of course, the police were waiting.
HAVE YOU GOT MY FRIES, OFFICER? … A man was arrested for drunken driving when he fell asleep at the wheel at 2 a.m. in the drive-thru lane of the McDonald’s in Newstead, N.Y.
COME IN ANY TIME; YOUR PICTURES ARE READY … Two couples ate a meal at the Denny’s Restaurant in Virginia Beach, Va., then ran out at 1:18 a.m. without paying. Surveillance cameras snapped them as the fled, and the photos have appeared in newspapers all across the area.
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ROFLLL where do you get this stuff, Pete?!?!? ::snort:: My mom once got in trouble for trying to walk through a drive through. I can see their point about it being dangerous, but she was so pissed. The walk in access was locked and her car was parked farther from the office than the bank was.
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Unbelievable Story of Ohio Dad Who Came ‘Back From the Dead’ After Son Says: ‘You’re Not Going to Die Today’
God shows His awesome power once again
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/08/22/unbelievable-story-of-ohio-dad-who-came-back-from-the-dead-after-son-says-youre-not-going-to-die-today/
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“There’s nobody but God that could have done this,” Anthony said simply. “The doctors had all given up — I mean, rightfully so. It had been so long. But for me to wake up without any brain damage or anything like that is another part of a miracle…to be, you know, without oxygen for 45 minutes, that’s huge.”
Wow … thank you for this one Pete!!
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CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?THIS WOMAN WAS ARRESTED FOR DUI
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She was topless, crashed her motorcycle and only got a cut on her chin … hmmm, whatchawannabet she used her arms and hands to protect her tatas instead of her face. It’s a wonder she didn’t CAUSE a crash or two, flashing herself at drivers the way she was doing.
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Only 124 days left! Retailers are already targeting Christmas shoppers with price-matching and layaway specials
This week DW informed me there was a plush toy from Toys R Us that Miss Isabel wanted for Christmas.When she says:order it sometime,if you get a chance,what she means is order it NOW!!! I ordered it Tuesday,it arrived today.
Anyway,they had on sale,I swear,a Despicable Me 2 Banana Fart Blaster.Its $34.99,so I’m not buying one even as a gag.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2400283/There-124-days-Christmas-Have-shopping-list-yet.html#ixzz2cofm8tHj
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There’s a Despicable Me 2?!?! Woohoo!! Can’t wait for it to come out on DVD. I LOVE Despicable Me.
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MAN DIES AFTER ACCIDENTALLY SHOOTING OFF HIS OWN PENIS
Darwin strikes again.
http://iowntheworld.com/blog/?p=199008
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Didn’t he get the memo about how ObamaCare would’ve cut it off for him for free?
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And didn’t he know he could just get arrested and get a free sex change operation.
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Some people insist on doing things the hard way…
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Nearly FOUR figures for a T-shirt? The new J. Crew Collection creation that rings in at $998
My Fruit of the Looms are fine with me.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2400165/New-J-Crew-Collection-creation-rings-998.html
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MOOchelle loves J Crew (or so she says) and we know she loves designer tees. She wore her old $200-$300 one to paint in. Bet she gets this number to garden with the kids.
And oh lookie lookie … the site pops a “get the look for only $100” option. Are we supposed to be fooled into forgetting this is still a TEESHIRT and that a hundred fricking dollars is too damn much?
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WHAT DO YOU GET WHEN YOU CROSS A TAE KWON DO EXPERT WITH A BASEBALL PITCHER?
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But did she get it over the plate? I couldn’t tell.
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It looked high, but she has one hellofan arm.
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Man, 28, arrested after dressing up as a dog and having sex with a cat
I can’t even think of anything smart-alecky to say
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2393371/Man-28-likes-dressing-dog-arrested-having-sex-cat.html#ixzz2cojsQP63
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Ew. CSI did a thing about these people. Apparently, sex is a big reason for their fetishes. The lab geek was grossed out about all the body fluids he found on the costumes. Ew. Ew. Ew.
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Sadly, EW is not a legal word in SCRABBLE. I think it should be, but nobody asked me.
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Won’t be long before they are legally married in CA. Just one happy family, living in their cozy little dog house, collecting unemployment and voting for their fellow demwit dogs to keep the gravy train flowing.
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I hear Massachusetts is planning to repeal laws against bestiality. Don’t know if the rumor is true or not, but I guess it wouldn’t surprise me. Where’s PETA when you need them?
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21 Reasons You Should Definitely Drink More Beer
Did you need any?
http://www.buzzfeed.com/jessicamisener/21-reasons-you-should-definitely-drink-more-beer
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I could think of a lot more than that about why you should not drink any.
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THE NEW BATMAN IS…..BEN AFFLECK
I can ignore him as easily as I did Christian Bale,Val Kilmer,Michael Keaton and whoever else
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2013/08/22/and-the-new-batman-is/
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I’LL LEAVE YOU WITH THIS
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This is a wonderful story! A brain surgeon tried a unique fix on a newborn with an extremely rare condition. He injected her with Superglue. The kid is doing GREAT!
http://www.lifenews.com/2013/08/21/baby-with-deadly-brain-aneurysm-doing-better-after-doctor-saved-life-with-superglue/
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Subject: & and a joke…
1. Teaching Math when I was in school:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit ?
2. Teaching Math In 1970s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In 1980s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit ? Yes or No
4. Teaching Math In 1990s:
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: Underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 2000s:
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it’s ok).
6. Teaching Math In 2010:
Un hachero vende una carretada de maderapara $100. El costo de la producciones es $80. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?
ANSWER: His profit was $375,000 because his logging business is just a front for his pot farm.
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Haha! And people wonder why my kids don’t go to school!
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I like that!Thanks,GP
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