Posted by Pistol Pete
We made it to Friday.Take a break from the normal BS that permeates our society and just enjoy the ravings of an old man slipping further into dementia.There are no penis or breast articles that I can recall today,but there are two dealing with that bodily function everybody does and nobody talks about(except with your spouse,unless you have really gross friends.)Got some cool screen captures,too.
THESES LOOK JUST LIKE VALJAR’S SLUMS BACK IN CHI….FULL OF MY SECTION 8ERS
WHAT’S THE GHETTO VERSION OF MR. POTATO HEAD?…DEAD BEET DAD
WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR OBAMA VOTERS IN A CADILLAC?…GRAND THEFT AUTO
BARRY THOUGHT HE WAS MEETING SAUDI KING ABDULLAH…IT WAS ACTUALLY A LOOK-ALIKE NAMED SALEEM ABDUL YOMAMA,AN ITINERANT GOATHERDER.THE MEDAL BARRY’S WEARING IS MADE FROM PULL TABS FROM ‘INFIDEL BEER.’
BELGIUM MADE BARRY A LIFESIZE COOKIE OF HIMSELF WITH A BASKETBALL.THEY ORIGINALLY MADE IT OF HIM WITH A GOLF CLUB BUT THE NAALCP SAID HE LOOKED “TOO WHITE”,SINCE BRUTHAS DON’T PLAYS NO GOLFS.
MICHELLE BIT THE HEAD OFF STRAIGHTAWAY AND REGGIE LOVE OUTRACED CHRIS MATTHEWS AND A CROWD OF MEDIA TYPES TO EAT THE ASS.
Monika Allen,a brain cancer survivor,wore a tutu to run a marathon.
- Ms Allen was contacted by the magazine and asked for permission to use her photo – but she was not told it would be seen in the ‘BS Meter’
- It appeared in the section on ‘what’s legit and what’s lame this month’
EDITOR SAID SHE WAS “MORTIFIED” WHEN SHE SAW THE ARTICLE.
AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED,’SELF MAGAZINE’ CAN GO SQUAT ON A CACTUS.
YOU GO,GIRL
polination.blog 
‘How ’bout a ride?’: Fleeing suspect driven straight to jail after asking undercover cop for a lift
•Karem Moore, 24, drove into oncoming traffic on Interstate 95 in a stolen Audi before jumping over a fence
•He flagged down a passing motorist who was a police officer in an unmarked car
•Moore was taken straight to jail where he is already facing a number of charges
As Ron White said,”you can’t fix stupid.”
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2590814/Suspect-caught-asking-undercover-cop-ride.html
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Police: Naked Man Found Riding Tricycle, Chewing Glass And Tobacco
At least the cops knew he wasn’t carrying a concealed weapon
http://philadelphia.cbslocal.com/2014/03/26/police-naked-man-found-riding-tricycle-chewing-glass-and-tobacco/
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OOPS! MAKE THAT THREE BODY FUNCTION ALERTS.
Chelsea Clinton Confess About Her Diarrhea Obsession
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7vAw86-458
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Well, more interesting to me than her obsession was her assertion that people with means do not care about what happens to the poor until it begins to creep into their lives as well. I reject that premise. That premise is the basis for too much “we are regulating you for your own good – and …the children.”
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Woman Claims Police Forced Her To Poop In Yard
If she scraped her butt on the driveway she was really a bitch
http://tampa.cbslocal.com/2014/03/25/woman-claims-police-forced-her-to-poop-in-yard/
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Nigeria: Man Caught with Three Human Tongues and Trove of Women’s Underwear
Must be a liberal,although they usually only spek with two tongues.The panty-hoarding,however is a pretty common trait.
http://www.ibtimes.co.uk/nigeria-man-caught-three-human-tongues-loads-womens-underwear-1441874
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Ever had some jackass tailgate you and act like a maniac?We all have.Watch as karma takes a big chunk out of this moron’s backside.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3XqZoaWKv2k
the information the lady provided allowed the police to arrest this genius
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SPEAKING OF BAD DRIVERS:
Man, 47, charged with DUI ‘after driving onto police station lawn while trying to park’
Eyal Alima’s car allegedly got stuck on Northbrook Police Department’s front lawn 10pm Saturday
Police in Chicago say he missed the public parking bay, circled the building and then drove across the grass
He was charged with driving with a blood alcohol limit above 0.08
Alima insists he wasn’t drunk and attended the station to report threatening phone calls he’d received
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2589808/Chicago-man-charged-DUI-driving-police-station-lawn-trying-park.html#ixzz2xH6FHQBw
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Homeless Couple Never Celebrated an Anniversary in 14 Years. Then a Volunteer Group Took Action.
This is from uber-liberal Seattle.While I think its nice some people gave them a nice night on the town,the next day they go back to the tent city where they live with other homeless people.
http://www.theblaze.com/stories/2014/03/27/homeless-couple-never-celebrated-an-anniversary-in-14-years-then-a-volunteer-group-took-action/
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No one has found out how to help Denmark’s falling birth rate. Until now. Spies Travels announces a competition where you have to make a baby to win
DO IT FOR DENMARK
TAKE A VACATION,WE NEED MORE BABIES
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Women really DON’T know what they want: Indecisive female shoppers try on 40,000 pieces of clothing in their lifetime, but only buy one in seven
•Women try on more than 4 times as many items as men
•Try an average of 7 pieces each trip, taking 22 minutes in the cubicle
•But women actually buy less per shopping expedition than men
Years ago,before I met DW,I took my eldest to the mall and gave her my Christmas list and my credit card.I found a comfortable bench and waited.After about two hours,she shows up with two little bags of stuff.
‘this is all you found?’
Dad,that’s the difference between men and women.Women SHOP…men BUY.’
Like most men,when I go after something,I know what I want,I get it,pay for it and leave.Women can spend hours going through the clearance rack,not find anything they like and go away happy.
DW comes home and says:’I saved you $70 on this sweater,do you like it?’
‘Never mind what you SAVED me,what did you COST me?’
that’s the difference between we’uns and you’uns
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2589839/Women-really-DONT-know-want-Indecisive-female-shoppers-try-40-000-pieces-clothing-lifetime-buy-one-seven.html
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Cops: Drunk Motorist Was Wearing Pants As Shirt When Found Passed At Wheel
As detailed by a cop, Hill was “wearing only a t-shirt, underwear and one sock.” The officer added that Hill “did have pants on, but they were on his arms. Both arms were inserted into the legs of his jeans.”
Maybe his galpals’ husband came home early and he had to vacate the premisis.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/jeans-worn-as-shirt-786543
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For the first time ever, Snoopy, Charlie Brown and the rest of the gang we know and love from Charles Schulz’s timeless “Peanuts” comic strip will be making their big-screen debut; like they’ve never been seen before in a CG-Animated Feature film in 3D.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N1FNL_iIp5c
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‘You’d look better skinnier’: Mortified teenager drops 60lbs after boyfriend’s hurtful weight comment – and dumps him as payback
Don’t get mad,get even
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2588128/Youd-look-better-skinnier-Mortified-teenager-drops-60lbs-boyfriends-hurtful-weight-comment-dumps-payback.html
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Bad Grandma Arrested For School Theft
Cops: Woman stole teacher’s wallet during assembly
An Obama voter helps herself to some ‘reparations’ because white devils enslaved her ancestors
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/documents/grandma-steals-teachers-wallet-786543
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Aussie Builders surprise public with loud empowering statements
You will NOT see the end of this coming
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gjsoSY18kg
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LOL!
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Snicker, snicker, snicker! Great! I think I work with most of those guys.
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I love this one.
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‘How to Poo on a Date’: The quirky guide to romance that’s become an Amazon sensation
•New book tackles the last taboo in dating – what to do when the need arises
•Advice on coping with undesired odours loo-roll emergencies
Ever tried to light a fart and burn your jeans when you were a teenager?
ahhh,the innocence of youth.
We all have stories of pooping and flatulence, but we’re too sophisticated to mention them.
running away from this subject….now.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2589086/How-Poo-Date-The-quirky-guide-romance.html
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How to be the perfect wingman, according to your grandfather: Start with the line ‘I work in a bank and I’m very prosperous’
Canadian Ethan Cole teaches grandfather Joe, 88, about wingmanning
Series of clips on the theme of ‘Explaining Things to My Grandfather’
Joe tells grandson: ‘We’d probably have a problem though – you’re not that good looking’
Old joe doing better with the hottie than the grandson
Grandma tells Joe:”stop c**kblocking!”
Neverfail pickup line:’hi,I’m extremely wealthy.’
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2590786/How-perfect-wingman-according-grandfather-start-I-work-bank-I-prosperous.html#ixzz2xHMAIXmz
this might be me one day
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WfGdTemvlxQ
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How Lazy Are You?
When was the last time you got up?
among the questions:
You dropped something…what now?
How long do dishes sit in your sink?
Have you ever bought new underwear to avoid doing laundry?(guilty)
You’re in bed,you’re super comfortable and you have to pee.Now what?
Take the quiz
http://www.buzzfeed.com/joannaborns/how-lazy-are-you
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The Antiques Roadshow question skewed my score (I got ‘lazy-ish’) I watch that show on purpose, not because I’m too lazy to change the channel!
What was your score, Pete?
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He’s too lazy to say. ;o)
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I scored maximum lazy.I didn’t get around to taking the test until lunchtime Saturday.
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A mother-of-four from Illinois has set the Guinness World Record for donating breast milk.
Amelia Boomker, 36, pumped 16,321 U.S. fl oz between February 2008 and September 2013 for the Indiana Mothers’ Milk Bank a non-profit in Indianapolis.
Putting it into context, the liquid equates to 816 Venti-size Starbucks – or 4,000 baby bottles.
Good grief…was her mother a Holstein?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2589293/She-insane-pumping-skills-Mom-four-sets-breast-milk-world-record-donating-equivalent-816-Venti-Starbucks.html#ixzz2xHPLZrwY
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‘I do whatever Jill tells me’: Vice President Joe Biden admits to using Clinique moisturizer with SPF 20 every day
Problem is the dumbass brushes his teeth with the stuff
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2591050/Biden-dishes-romance-skincare-Rachael-Ray.html
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crap…I’ve got a lot more,but I limit the links to about 20.
This little girl shaved her head to support her friend,who has cancer.She was xuxpended from school for ‘violating their dress code.’
After a public furor arose,the school relented and allowed her back into school
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lY9HkB2qn3s
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