It’s been a rough week. Ferguson.Mo. besieged for a week by anarchists and racists,led by racist #1,one Barack H. Obama while he golfs and dances the night away
Middle East in flames,people dying like flies
Fears of an Ebola outbreak
Russia moving on the Ukraine and violating US airspace
A little decompression would seem appropriate. There are some truly bizarre links today,like drunken lawn mower jockeys and the world’s biggest fart machine. Pete is ever on the cutting edge of journalism.
Filed under Funny Stuff
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polination.blog 
DUI Suspect Pulled Over While Driving Lawnmower
I had a neighbor who got a ticket once for DWOH
(drunk while on horseback)
Saturday afternoon Sonny would saddle up and ride his horse to the local tavern.He’d trade rides around the parking lot for drinks.He always cracked no matter how drunk he got the horse stayed sober enough to find its way home.A cop happened to see him fall off the horse and roll down a mudbank.True story.
http://denver.cbslocal.com/2014/07/25/dui-suspect-pulled-over-while-driving-lawnmower/
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I believe it about the horse. My grandparents employed a man named Charlie to help them on their farm. He lived a few miles away, up on a ridge, and only had a horse for transportation. He didn’t show up for work for several days (not particularly rare or alarming for Charlie, unfortunately.)
After a few days they set out to find Charley and found him dead on the ridge, with his horse standing right there with him. Afterwards people said they had seen the horse standing up there for a few days, but nobody could see Charlie. The horse just wouldn’t leave him.
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I didn’t know horses could be so loyal. :)“““““`
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Human to lizard resuscitation! Woman brings her pet reptile back to life after administering CPR for 30 minutes
Sherrie Dolezal, 62, miraculously brought her pet lizard back to life by administering CPR on the reptile
She returned to her home in Salem, Orgeon, on Tuesday to find her beloved pet Del Sol, a bearded dragon, floating face up and unconscious in his pool
Dolezal immediately began chest compressions and forced air into his mouth until the little creature opened his eyes and started moving again
I had a lot of pets that I really loved….dogs,chickens,goldfish,even a squirrel.But if anybody said I’d have to give them mouth-to-mouth i’d grab a shovel and start digging a hole.That critters a goner.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2721265/Human-lizard-resuscitation-Woman-brings-pet-reptile-life-administering-CPR-30-minutes.html#ixzz3ATidjISU
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I can’t believe she would have ever wanted a lizard for a pet in the first place. I found a dead one floating in my fountain last year and it was all I could do to fish the thing out of there and bury it. Mouth to mouth would have never crossed my mind that day!
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Mama Buzz loves lizards and has several for pets, but she wouldn’t give them mouth to mouth, because they can carry salmonella.
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Man builds ‘biggest fart machine ever,’ plans to aim it at France
Colin Furze, who rose to internet fame after creating Wolverine claw replicas, is on to bigger and better inventions: the “biggest fart machine ever,” to be precise.
Gizmodo reports that Furze plans to aim his fart cannon at France from Dover, England. He has apparently built the “biggest valveless pulse jet machine ever” — and he plans to build a giant butt to house the fart machine.
Apparently England is obsessed with flatulence.Maybe they’re jealous because France had Le Petomaine.(look him up,he was amazing..not to mention gross)
http://theweek.com/speedreads/index/265158/speedreads-man-builds-biggest-fart-machine-ever-plans-to-aim-it-at-france
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lGHQw8GeJ7w
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That is hilarious!
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I always wonder if the people who plan and execute these pranks ever worry that one of their victims might have a weak heart….
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Seattle Woman, 33, Arrested After “Humping” Lawn Chairs, Exposing Self
A Washington woman who was wearing a short dress and no underwear is facing an indecent exposure charge after allegedly “humping” lawn chairs, exposing herself to a woman and two children, and urinating in public, according to police.
Time to go to Home Depot and buy some new lawn furniture
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/Seattle-lawn-chair-humper-576432
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Man Armed With Leaf Blower Arrested For Doing Yard Work In The Nude
A Massachusetts homeowner was arrested Monday for “open and gross lewdness” after passing motorists spotted him–leaf blower in hand–doing yard work in the nude, according to cops.
As Richard Capra, 69, worked on the curb appeal of his Shrewsbury home, “several vehicles were slowing down taking photographs,” according to the Shrewsbury Police Department.
There’s just so much wrong with 69 year old’s being naked anywhere….even in the bathtub.
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/buster/naked-man-using-leaf-blower-675432
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i have tried for 20 minutes to C&P this link.I have to use IE as a browser because of the amount of bookmarks I have(regular and links I delete after posting.).Otherwise i’d never use it…it’s garbage.
Guess I’ll have to do the header myself:
DATELINE LANSING MICHIGAN:
MORNING TRAFFIC SNARLED WHEN AN 18 WHEELER HAULING HUMAN WASTE BLEW A TIRE AND DUMPED 25,000 LBS OF SLUDGE ON THE PAVEMENT.
Kinda gives a new meaning to the “hershey highway”,don’t it?
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2720274/Horror-Michigan-highway-closed-morning-rush-smeared-12-tons-HUMAN-WASTE.html
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WITH BASEBALL WINDING DOWN AND FOOTBALL GEARING UP,THE LATE GEORGE CARLIN EXPLAINS THE DIFFERENCE.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qmXacL0Uny0
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Kenyan man who wanted to ‘marry’ Bill Clinton’s daughter passes on
Rarely have I chuckled reading somebody’s obituary.This poor man obviously couldn’t tell the difference between a woman and a horse.
Baringo, Kenya: A Kenyan man, who surprised the world 14 years ago when he offered former US President Bill Clinton 40 goats and 20 cows for his daughter’s hand in marriage has died.
editors note:I’d have taken that deal.In a heartbeat.
Godwin Chepkurgor, 45, was on Friday evening killed by a stray elephant at Ol-debes village in Mogotio, Baringo County
Admit it!You smiled.
http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/mobile/?articleID=2000130302&story_title=Kenyan%20man%20who%20wanted%20to%20´marry´%20Bill%20Clinton´s%20daughter%20passes%20on/thecounties/
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not bizarre but pretty damn cool:
Ben Carson’s ‘One Nation’ Overtakes Hillary Clinton’s ‘Hard Choices’ In Total Sales
Ben Carson’s latest book has just overtaken Hillary Clinton’s new memoir in total book sales.
According to Nielsen BookScan numbers provided to The Daily Caller, as of Aug. 10, Carson’s “One Nation” has sold 225,000 copies, compared to 223,000 copies for Clinton’s “Hard Choices.”
These are weekly sales
no national book tour
no media slobbering over her on every network
No $14 million advance
Just people who wanted to read what he has to say
http://dailycaller.com/2014/08/15/ben-carsons-one-nation-has-now-topped-hillary-clintons-hard-choices-in-total-sales/#ixzz3AU13amYw
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Well … poot! I was gonna graphic this, but when I looked up the release dates, I learned Carson’s book has been on sale for 20 days longer. I was hoping for the opposite, but no joy.
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I’d love to know how that cat got on the top of that door!
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Cats are geniuses at getting themselves into ridiculous places.
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