Category Archives: Funny Stuff

This video rant is awesome!

There was a pre-debate debate in New Hampshire last night. Anybody who expected any soaring rhetoric from the likes of Lindsey Graham, Rick Santorum, George Pataki, or John Kasich was sorely disappointed. There were no Trump sightings. Each contestant was called to the stage and asked a question by the moderator. Sens. Cruz, Paul, and Rubio participated by closed circuit TV as they were voting on defunding Planned Parenthood. Apparently Graham thought it was no big deal. It was, for the most part, unwatchable. I could have guessed how each would answer the questions they were asked and the monotony was enough to put an insomniac into a coma. The one part that stood out for me was when Carly Fiorina came right out and called Hillary a liar on Benghazi and the destroyed e-mails. Fox is hosting the first actual debate Thursday, moderated by Pissy Chrissy Wallace. Trump will be at that one. I doubt it will be boring.

THE TREACHEROUS BASTARD AT THE BOTTOM OF THIS PICTURE VOTED AGAINST DEFUNDING PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THAT’S WHAT PASSES FOR LEADERSHIP IN THE GOP ELITE

As of Saturday, August 1, I became officialy covered by Medicare, even though my birthday isn’t until next week. Funny, I don’t feel any older than I did Friday, July 31. However, I felt like I was 97 that day, so there you go. We senior citizens are looking at cuts to our social Security, Medicare, and Medicaid payment because the tens of millions of illegals flooding the border need their free stuff, even though they did nothing for it.
Today’s task is a daunting one indeed. I have more links cached than Carter’s got Little Liver Pills. (If you remember that one, you’re as old as I am.) I will now draw my trusty saber, wave it over my head and exhort my troops to ‘storm the parapets!’ But I have to refill my coffee cup first.

CAITLIN JENNER’S FIRST DATE

CANDID PICTURE OF BILL AND HILLARY STROLLING ON THE BEACH

Comments from the site where I saw this posted:

• Technically you could replace both with a hammer. Surely in toolbox poker, one tool beats two consumables.
• If you can’t fix it with a hammer, it must be an electrical problem.
• Chuck Norris can fix electrical problems with a hammer.
• That is what you would be calling your basic “percussive maintenance.”
• Engineering is far more complicated than this. Many other factors come in to play, such as sending an apprentice to the local hardware shop for a length of fallopian tube.
• A good hardware shop will send him back to get the correct cross section.
• In the Navy, if it moves, you oil it; if it doesn’t move, you paint it.
• And if you don’t want to do any oiling or painting, then walk around briskly carrying a clipboard.

As I sat here pondering whether to do the header about Bent Penis still dating while the presstitutes give the grifters a complete pass or the liberal judge who just issued a TRO preventing the latest PP atrocities caught on tape from being published, I came across something on UK Telegraph that was too funny to pass up. There’s only so much depression I can tolerate at one time.I usually save the fun stuff until Friday, but, dammit, I just feel like it.

Shoplifters will be prostituted: Hilarious pictures show the importance of using correct grammar and punctuation
Bad spelling and punctuation can make or break a message
A missing colon or comma can turn a simple order into a sinister message
FEMAIL looks at some of the funniest spelling and punctuation slip-ups

And now that everybody owns a camera phone, the often amusing incidents can be recorded forever.

Read on to discover some of the funniest slip-ups that resulted from incorrect spelling and punctuation.

IS THERE A DISABLED ELDERLY PREGNANT CHILD IN THE HOUSE?

THE NEW OBAMACARE STANDARDS

THE JOBS IN THIS OFFICE HAVE SOME UNIQUE PERKS

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-3179736/Shoplifters-prostituted-Hilarious-pictures-importance-using-correct-grammar-punctuation.html#ixzz3hOoSiu13

I CAN’T WAIT UNTIL TOMORROW TO SEE WHAT COMES UP.

One Sunday in a Midwest City, a young child was “acting up” during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up and walked sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, “Pray for me! Pray for me!”

My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, “Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?” I mentally polished my halo while I asked, “No, how are we alike?” “You’re both old,” he replied.

A little boy was in a relative’s wedding. As he was coming down the aisle, he would take two steps, stop, and turn to the crowd. While facing the crowd, he would put his hands up like claws and roar. So it went, step, step, ROAR, step, step, ROAR, all the way down the aisle. As you can imagine, the crowd was near tears from laughing so hard by the time he reached the pulpit. When asked what he was doing, the child sniffed and said, “I was being the Ring Bear.”

One particular four-year old prayed, “And forgive us our trash baskets as we forgive those who put trash in our baskets.”

A Sunday School teacher asked her little children, as they were on the way to church service, “And why is it necessary to be quiet in church?” One bright little girl replied, “Because people are sleeping.”

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, looking at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible. He picked it up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between the pages. “Mama, look what I found,” the boy called out. “What have you got there, dear?” his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy ‘s voice he answered, “It ‘s Adam ‘s suit.”

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, “If he gets loose, will he hurt us?”

A little boy was overheard praying: “Lord, if you can’t make me a better boy, don’t worry about it. I’m having a real good time like I am.”

Six-year old Angie, and her four-year old brother, Joel, were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. “You’re not supposed to talk out loud in church.” “Why? Who ‘s going to stop me?” Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, See those two men standing by the door? They’re hushers.”

A ten-year old, under the tutelage of her grandmother, was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible. Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, “Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus ? The virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?”

A Sunday school class was studying the Ten Commandments. They were ready to discuss the last one. The teacher asked if anyone could tell her what it was. Susie raised her hand, stood tall, and quoted, “Thou shall not take the covers off thy neighbor ‘s wife.”

Source:
http://twitchy.com/2015/07/27/these-captions-for-this-embarrassing-photo-of-obama-and-biden-will-have-you-in-stitches/