America Gears Up for Most Epic Obama Speech Drinking Game; ERs On Alert

DISCLAIMER: This blog does NOT encourage anyone to drink alcohol or consume any intoxicants during Presidential speeches. Also, it should be kept in mind that discharging firearms toward TV sets is always dangerous and should never be attempted, especially if children are present, even if your aim is good.
President Barack Obama Makes Key Speech In Cairo
Emergency rooms across America are bracing for an unprecedented influx of alcohol poisoning cases in the wake of President Obama’s speech tonight beginning at 9pm ET. As always, there will be a half-hour delay in the actual beginning of the speech as the White House staff locates the President and gets him changed out of his golf clothes, so the speech will not commence until 9:30pm ET. This extra half hour delay is a particular concern to hospital staffs because it allows Americans to engage in “pre-game” drinking as they wait in front of their TVs and listen to news anchors fill empty time with chatter about the President’s ‘challenges.’

As with all of President Obama’s speeches, Las Vegas odds-makers and conservative pundits are calculating the probabilities of the usual buzzwords being used.  This time, however, the level of hopelessness of the ISIS situation combined with the narrow focus advertised for this speech make it virtually certain that everyone knows ahead of time what he will propose and exactly which pseudo-military buzzwords and phrases he will spew.  Journalists are warning people to avoid the usual drinking triggers used in the past, such as the ubiquitous “I, me, my” trio.  Those words have been known to number in the low hundreds for a single speech rendering them impractical.  Derek Hunter of the Daily Caller suggests the following warning:

WARNING: As with any drinking game involving a speech from the President and buzzwords, discretion is your friend. If you take a drink at every one of his meaningless platitudes you will be dead by the end of it, or an honorary Kennedy. Either option is bad.

He suggests this drinking trigger list:
Let me be clear.
Bring them to justice.
Boots on the ground.
Inclusive government.
Regional powers.
There are some who will say…(Strawman alert)

Finish your drink if he says:
The wrong side of history.
I (or my administration) will not rest.
Community of nations.

Finish the bottle if he says:
We will hunt these monsters down, whatever it takes, and wipe them off the face of the Earth.
Blogger David Burge, known as IowaHawk, suggests these trigger words:

Regardless which words you use, we recommend an extremely limited and cautious approach, perhaps using only a single phrase, such as: “ISIL represents NO religion.”  And if you are a first responder, such as a paramedic or ER doctor, our prayers are with you tonight.


Filed under Armed Forces, ISIS, Middle East

19 responses to “America Gears Up for Most Epic Obama Speech Drinking Game; ERs On Alert

  1. Tammy Bruce to do live play-by-play of the speech tonight. This should be good.


  2. Obama vows airstrikes against ISIS fighters “wherever they exist,” apparently including Minnesota and Colorado.


  3. Burge: “Looking forward to the finest presidential foreign policy speech ever cut-and-pasted from Wikipedia by 5 drunk Tri-Delts.”

    Pretty much sums it up.


  4. Pistol Pete

    I planned to watch the show but I needed to catch up on ironing my socks.Pity.


  5. Pistol Pete

    Obama Asks for Donations Before ISIS Speech
    President Obama is scheduled to address the nation this evening to discuss destroying the terrorist army of ISIS. But before hitting the airwaves, he’s asking Democratic donors to “chip in $10 or more right now to help elect Democrats.”
    He just can’t help himself.


  6. Pistol Pete

    Big Letdown… President Barack Obama Addresses Nation on ISIS Threat
    HERE are the Prepared remarks of Barack Obama’s ISIL Speech.
    Obama says he’s determined to destroy ISIS, but not really.

    This link is a transcript of Barry’s hollow speechifying for those of us who can’t stand the sound of his voice or the sight of his Barney-loving lips.

    Conclusion: There was nothing new except for expanding airstrikes into Syria. And, he never apologized for his glaring foreign policy errors.
    It was a complete letdown.

    We are here to serve you.


  7. LMAO!

    I didn’t watch– I had to finish up the rooming assignments for the Anime USA Convention staff. (No, really, that’s what I was doing). But I saw something about him saying that “ISIL is not Islamic”.

    Which . . Of course not. Like the Catholic League isn’t Catholic, the Muslim Brotherhood isn’t Muslim, the Jewish Defense League isn’t Jewish, and the owners of aren’t witches. . . (I’m told they do in fact weigh slightly more than the average duck. . .)

    As my granny says: “Whadda Jack@ss!” (that’s actually the most polite term I’ve heard her use about the Prez)


  8. Plain Jane

    I couldn’t watch him even if I was intoxicated.


  9. chrissythehyphenated

    I slept through it. Thankfully. Thanks, all y’all for the laffs and information. 🙂