Author Archives: chrissythehyphenated
Bits & Bytes
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2020
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2020
My latest update from the campaign trail.
FACEBOOK: Their new policy for political ads should make it easier for politicians to post ads and voters to decide not to see them.
I like it. The former policy was to ban “false” ads; this was used to remove pro-life ads for “falsely” presenting factual, scientific information because it violated the Left’s pro-abortion talking points.
DEMOCRATS NOW: For Nancy Pelosi and her fellow Democrats, 600 dead Americans doesn’t justify taking the life of one vicious terrorist …
… but an unborn baby who is doing nothing but existing can be murdered without a trial or congressional approval.
DEMOCRATS THEN: [:27] – Back in the days when Hillary still looked like a human being and not like a crazed chipmunk.
IMPEACHMENT: From Babylon Bee – Democrats desperately grasping at straws to find grounds to impeach and convict Trump announced Tuesday they are now regretting banning plastic straws.
BIDEN: Hunter’s problems don’t stop with China and Ukraine. He’s also being sued for child support by the stripper mom of his bastard child and the case is bringing out stories of his drug addiction, using false identities to hide arrests and rehab, even counterfeiting.
I haven’t written about it because it’s all just allegations at this point. But you know we’d be hearing about it ad nauseum from the shrieking Left if this were Donald Trump’s son.
BULLIES: [4:33] – Examples of politicians using congressional hearings not to learn stuff, but to bully people and score points.
OMAR: [3:21] – Anti-Semite of the Year.
OMAR: [:57] – While Rep. Lee talks about American troops who lost their lives in Iraq, Rep. Ilhan Omar ignores and upstages her, chatting and giggling with her buds. Rude!
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Bits & Bytes
NEW ENDING: I’m struggling with old hurts, but heard something good on a t.v. show. “You can’t change the past, but you can change the story you tell yourself about it.” I want the true story, the one Jesus sees. So that is my prayer now. “Show me this past hurt the way You see it.”
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Fake News You Can Trust
CNN has slammed the world’s best satire site, The Babylon Bee, after CNN executives realized that “fake news” articles on the website were getting at least as much social media traction as their own.
“There ain’t room in this internet for the both of us,” growled one CNN anchor on the air Monday evening. “There simply aren’t enough people out there for us to fool with our fake news stories and The Babylon Bee to fool with their satire. There isn’t enough clickbait and outrage traffic to go around.”
Reporters at the media outlet also pointed out that their news was “much faker” than The Babylon Bee’s.
“They’re obviously amateurs over there at The Bee,” said Brian Stelter. “A lot of times, their reporting comes true. If you’re gonna do fake news, do it right — 100% fake, guaranteed, 24/7. They really should learn from the pros over here at CNN.”
“Stay out of our territory,” he growled.
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Bits & Bytes
JESUS: It’s absurd to say that Jesus was just one more among the great moral teachers of history. Jesus claimed to be God. So there are only two choices. If He was telling the literal truth, we should drop everything to follow Him. But if he was lying or insane, we should ignore everything he taught and encourage others to do so as well.
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Pranking Maxine
YouTubers Vladimir Kuznetsov and Alexey Stolyarov, who go by the names Vovan and Lexus, are known for their prank calls to government leaders.
GRETA: [13:20] – This week, they had “Greta Thunberg” and “her father” call Slappy Maxy, claiming to have a taped confession from Trump admitting to the exact charges in House Democrats’ articles of impeachment which passed in late December.
“Greta” says that that she met Trump at the United Nations, where he privately insulted her and confessed to threatening Ukraine’s president. “He came over, he leaned towards me, and said softly, ‘Listen to me very carefully, little girl, you will never achieve your goals.”
“You bring it to me,” Waters says of the recording they claimed to have. “You tell me what day you can get there. And we’ll arrange to meet with you as quickly as we can.”
It sounds like she’s excitedly taking notes. You should listen to this.
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2020
My latest update from the campaign trail.
TRUMP: Evangelicals for Trump prayed over the president before he spoke at a campaign rally in Miami Friday afternoon.
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Soleimani Dies, Democrats Hardest Hit
CtH: Isn’t it interesting how some guy gets blown up half way around the world and all of a sudden nobody is talking about what Nancy Pelosi has or has not delivered to the Senate?
SATIRE by Andrew Klavan
Democrats are calling for a day of mourning for Qassem Soleimani, the man who was called Iran’s “most revered military leader,” by The Washington Post, where Democracy Dies in Darkness if they have anything to say about it.
Soleimani, who was Iran’s most revered military leader because he was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of American soldiers, was in the midst of plotting more such deaths when he himself died under mysterious circumstances, namely a missile decorated with the words, “Dear Qassem, Here’s a missile in your ear from your friends in America. Love, President Trump, and all my fellow Americans, except Democrats and The Washington Post.”
Soon afterward, Soleimani woke up in Paradise surrounded by virgins, although it was a lot hotter than he thought it was going to be and the virgins were large, muscular men with tattoos that said things like, “Welcome to hell, my new be-yotch!’
Crowds gathered to mourn Soleimani in Tehran yesterday, and then rushed home in order to continue campaigning in Iowa.
Bernie Sanders responded to Soleimani’s death by saying, “Of course he was a terrorist, but who could forget his sparkling eyes, his charming smile, and that laugh that wrinkled his nose just before he slaughtered my countrymen.”
Democrat Senate Leader Chuck Schumer wept copiously as he issued a statement to the painting in his basement of sad-eyed clowns holding puppies. Schumer sobbed, “If only the president had informed me of his decision to launch this strike, all this sorrow could have been avoided.”
At universities around the country, students poured out of their Transgender Theory classes to protest the U.S. War in Iran. They were led by Congresswoman Alexandria Occasional Cortex who told the crowd, “We cannot defeat terrorists by killing them. Only when we stand by and do nothing will they realize they can never win.”
When the students were informed that there actually was no war with Iran, they returned to their dorms and continued smoking dope and watching porn.
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