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Author Archives: bluebird of bitterness
17 Things With a Higher Approval Rating Than Joe Biden
From The Babylon Bee.
Joe Biden’s approval rating is not good. Sad! Not good!
Here are seventeen things with higher approval ratings than Joe Biden:
1. Candy corn -Even these tasteless cones of wax fare better in the polls than Sleepy Joe.
2. Prostate exams -Uncomfortable but at least they don’t last four years.
3. The restrooms at Walmart -Unsanitary but they’ve never tried to sniff our hair.
4. The decision to cancel Firefly – Next time Joe Biden wants to stab us in the back, he should have the guts to do it to our face.
5. DMV employees – Hey, at least they know where they are.
6. Pearl Harbor, the Ben Affleck movie – We don’t know how this one beat Joe but it did.
7. The actual attack on Pearl Harbor – At least it eventually led to the fall of Hitler.
8. Andrew Cuomo’s steamy new romance novel – Yeesh. Biden’s numbers must be awful.
9. The guy in your neighborhood who hands out toothbrushes on Halloween – Everyone has that guy. But hey, he’s not trying to ruin your life.
10. Long John Silver’s – Something’s fishy about this place but at least you can just avoid it.
11. Todd – Good one, Todd!
12. Gas station sushi – Will only make you sick one time and you’ll have a great story to tell.
13. Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina candle – We don’t know why she sells these but some people like them, we guess.
14. Alex Rodriguez’s vagina candle – We don’t know why he sells these but some people like them, we guess.
15. Installing a car seat – On a 120-degree day in Phoenix.
16. Wuhan’s world-famous bat soup – The taste isn’t so bad, it’s the consistency.
17. The one true President Donald Trump – USA! USA! USA!
More from The Babylon Bee:
Joe Biden Invites Brandon to the White House to Congratulate Him for His Success
In Controversial New Netflix Special, Dave Chappelle Just Reads From a Biology Textbook
Ships Arrive from the Orient Laden with Pumpkin Spice
New App ‘LootDash’ Lets You Send Someone to Loot San Francisco Stores for You
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Filed under Funny Stuff
Facebook temporarily bans itself for violating its own misinformation policy
From The Genesius Times.
MOUNTAIN VIEW, CA—Hundreds of millions of people were unable to access Facebook, Instagram and WhatsApp for more than six hours on Monday after the company temporarily banned itself for violating its own misinformation policy.
“We take fighting misinformation seriously and will ban all entities who violate our policy,” Facebook CEO Mark Zuckerberg said in a statement. “We got confused about our illogical and contradictory policies that we had to censor ourselves for a few hours until we cleared things up.”
Many Facebook users—including all the world’s sex traffickers—were unable do business for most of the day.
Is this unprecedented?
No, social media platforms consistently contradict their own terms of service, causing them to shut down or censor themselves. Recently, YouTube banned YouTube for showing videos of the CDC contradicting the CDC, which violated YouTube’s rules.
“Basically, they’re all a bunch of idiots wielding an unheard of amount of power and sometimes that catches up to them,” Genesius Time Technology Editor Richard Feynman said.
More from the Genesius Times:
Everyone at the Emmys wins award for pretending to care
Fauci cancels Christmas so he won’t have to go back to North Pole to make toys
YouTube bans YouTube for showing videos of the CDC contradicting the CDC
FBI investigates FBI and finds it did nothing wrong in Larry Nassar case
Biden mandates proof of vaccination or proof you’re an illegal alien to keep working
California legalizes needle rape for K-12 schools
AOC: If socialism doesn’t work, why are all my socialist friends in DC multi-millionaires?
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Filed under Funny Stuff
How to scare your kids the COVID way
More from The Babylon Bee:
Governor Newsom Unveils Plan to Get Millions of Californians to Switch to Homeschooling
Heroic FBI Agent Tackles Parent Expressing Concern for Student’s Education
Democrats Put Out ‘Help Wanted’ Ad for Submissive, Obedient Woman to Replace Sinema
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Filed under Funny Stuff
Turkish man reported missing joins search party seeking him
Media reports say a man in Turkey joined a search party for a missing person not realizing the individual being pursued was him
By The Associated Press
October 1, 2021, 9:35 AM
ANKARA, Turkey — In a scene worthy of a comedy sketch, a Turkish man joined a search party for a missing person not realizing the individual being pursued was him.
Beyhan Mutlu, 51, went drinking with a friend in a forest in the town of Inegol, northwest Turkey, late Tuesday. His wife reported him missing after he did not return home and she heard he had walked away from his friend, drunk.
Gendarmerie and rescue teams were called in to find Mutlu, who had gone to sleep in a house in the forest, Turkish online news site T24 reported Friday.
He came across members of the search party in the morning and decided to help them find the missing person. He realized he was the focus of the search when they began calling his name.
“After a while, they said they were looking for Beyhan Mutlu,” T24 quoted him as saying. “I broke into a cold sweat when I heard my name.”
“I told them I was Beyhan Mutlu, but they continued to search,” Mutlu continued. “They didn’t believe me. The truth came out when my friend Mesut saw me.”
Mutlu said he was part of the search team for more than half an hour.
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Filed under Loose Pollen
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