Category Archives: Funny Stuff
WHY I DON’T HAVE PETS
DW’s son asked her last week if we would mind cat-sitting while he was out of town visiting his half-sister. Of course, she agreed. I was not informed in advance, since my opinion stopped being relevant about 10 seconds after I said ‘I do.’ The cat was with us for four days, which was not enough time for her to leave the scent of eau de litterbox #5 wafting through the house. She did, however, suffer a separation anxiety attack the first night and serenaded us with an aria in D-flat minor.
When I first left the farm and struck out on my own years ago, I made the decision not to have pets. This was for a variety of reasons. I drove a route truck and was gone for long hours, sometimes overnight. I also did my share (more) of womanizing and quaffed more than a few flagons of ale back in the day. I just didn’t want to be responsible for another life when I had little control over my own. My second wife, Tyler’s grandma, found a little black kitten when she left work one day and put it in her pocket and brought it home. She named him Smoky. He had a habit of laying in the front room then for no apparent reason, tearing as fast as he could round and round the house. That’s why I nicknamed him Dumbass.
To be sure, we had a lot of critters on the farm. Even in a severe hallucinogenic state, I couldn’t picture granny putting a leash on one of the dogs and walking around with it and picking up the poop. All our house animals went outside to do their business. It would have been a pretty funny sight, though. I got along with all the livestock with a few notable exceptions.
One of my first chores was to feed the chickens and gather eggs. There was one old hen that I tried to avoid when she was in her nesting box. When I reached under her to get the egg she’d puff out the feathers on her neck, back up and start flapping her wings and dare me to reach for it. “Allahu Cluck cluck!” She was a chicken terrorist. She was a poultrygeist. If memory serves, she wound up co-starring with Granny’s dumplings one Sunday for dinner.
We also had a big gray goose who used to chase my younger cousins for no reason. He’d fly up and try to peck them in the face. Hell, I was afraid of him. He was the antichrist with feathers. He actually did do some good, in that blue roaster surrounded by root vegetables. Granny loved dark meat; goose,duck and rabbit.
I could never understand why the breed bull was so antisocial. All he had to do all day was eat, crap, and make cow baby mamas. Maybe it had something to do with the fact when my cousin brought his BB gun over we’d sit behind the slats in the fence and take pot shots at his genitals. Do you know how big a bulls’ balls are? I know it sounds cruel, but we rarely hit them, and life on a farm can be really stressful when you have to work all the time.
THIS LOOKS A LOT LIKE SS’S CAT
Filed under Family & Friends, Funny Stuff
Busted! LOL
Did you make this mess? Who made this mess? [:48]
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Fire up the barbie!
Don’t go to the Ocean, the Ocean is the Sharks House. < Funny!
H/t Pistol Pete
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HAPPY FOURTH… FOR NOW, ANYWAY
Have a safe and happy Independence Day celebration,at least this year. Reflect on all the parades, fireworks displays, cookouts with family and friends. Obunghole has plans to use his EPA terrorists to severely restrict the pollution from these kind of activities.
President Obama Wants to End Independence Day As We Know It
Enjoy Independence Day while you still can. If President Obama gets his way, this could be the last Fourth of July worth celebrating.
New ground-level ozone standards being pushed by Obama and the Environmental Protection Agency would result in widespread bans on fireworks shows, backyard grilling and other Independence Day traditions.
Because the proposed ozone rule is set so low, things as harmless as a few backyard chefs grilling burgers in the same area at the same time, or even festive fireworks being launched during an Independence Day celebration, could cause an area to violate federal ozone standard thresholds. Such a violation of the EPA’s unreasonably low ozone limit would result in fines and other penalties for local governments from federal regulators.
ON A HAPPIER NOTE, A STORY YOU MAY NOT HAVE HEARD:
Activists Planned to Burn U.S. Flag in NYC Park — When They Showed Up, These Guys Were Waiting
The latest grievance group vying for attention, called “Disarm the Police,” planned to protest the Charleston shootings by burning the American and Confederate flags. They got them lit in a little Weber kettle, but not for long. They were confronted by a band of patriots and what I assume was a Christian biker group called Hallowed Sons. You can just feel in your bones these guys wanted to stomp a mudhole in some maggot-infested liberal AND WALK IT DRY but,true to their cowardice, the protesters ran away, ironically whining for protection from the same police they wanted disarmed. I’m including two videos, one shorter than the other, but both are worth a look.
I HAVEN’T POSTED MUCH, SO I’M INCLUDING SOME LINKIES IF YOU FEEL LIKE CHECKING ANY OUT
Filed under Funny Stuff
THE DRIVE-BY POSTER STRIKES
The plan was to do a long diatribe about how a handful of liberal pukes rendered our precious founding document worthless in the course of one day last weekend. But then I read what Chrissy posted about Mother Teresa’s advice to only worry about what we can control. Face it. It’s over. The rights we’ve enjoyed for the last few hundred years are being relegated to whatever a small bunch of people who are unelected and unaccountable to anyone say they are.
Normally I spend hours perusing dozens of websites and bookmarking links to add here. Now I can only sit here for so long, so it’ll be post a few, come back and post a few more. After all,Rome wasn’t built in a day,right?
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IN CASE YOU MISSED IT
It seems we have arrived. Our little garden was recognized with the coveted Paul Revere award for 2015 by no less an authority than Curmudgeon from Political Clown Parade. We share this honor with such luminareis as Diogenes’ Middle Finger, Earl of Taint, and our own Bluebird of Bitterness.
READ ABOUT IT HERE:
The 2015 Paul Revere Award
http://www.politicalclownparade.blogspot.com/2015/06/2015-paul-revere-award-and-winners-are.html
Filed under Funny Stuff
THIS IS MY SOLEMN VOW
You would be hard pressed to find a news source, digital, print, or broadcast, where you will not be bombarded with news of a demented, flaccid-phallused scum who sought notoriety by slaughtering nine innocents inside a church. The left is basking in the horror as they try to make political hay is as predictable as night following day.
My pledge to you is that, at least for this day, you will not read about it on this post. Nor will you read of the GOP’s conspiracy to help the Preezy amass even more power to destroy American jobs or the normal brigand of liars and malcontents who seem to dominate normal news cycles. What you WILL get is a mishmash of abnormal tidbits demonstrating that there are people who are even sicker than I am that remain uninstitutionalized. I don’t even know if that’s a word. I don’t even care. Relax and enjoy life.
BE NICE TO YOUR KIDS…THEY’LL DECIDE WHAT NURSING HOME YOU’LL BE STUCK IN.
WHAT AWESOMELY AWESOME STEAK KNIVES!
CTH: My guy would try to use the wrench ends and end up in the ER. :o/
CTH: Fave part of this photo …. NO TP. LOLOL So male.
CTH: Bwahahahaha!! Grammy-of-the-Potty-Brigade is sending this one to a couple of people. ::snork::
CTH: This happened to me twice. Thankfully, the time it was a cat (who left the window open?!), it was on the foot of the bed, not on me, and the time it was a groundhog (who left the DOOR open?!), it was on the floor … but so was I. I mean my mattress was. We were moving and I needed a nap. Nothing to lie down on but a mattress on the floor. Everyone else left to take a load to the new house, I woke up to see a groundhog staring me in the face. GAGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
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polination.blog 