From The Babylon Bee.
The vaccine door-to-door evangelists are coming for you! Luckily, we at The Babylon Bee are extremely anti-social, so we’ve got some great ways to scare off the vaccine missionaries trying to get you to accept Dr. Fauci as your lord and savior.
Try one of these and let us know how it goes!*
1. Answer the door while casually cleaning your AR-15. – “Greetings, agent of the government! What can I do for you today?”
2. Wear a MAGA hat. – Works every time.
3. Sneeze violently and say you’re starting to lose your sense of taste. – “Does this apple taste like anything to you? Everything is starting to taste bland to me…”
4. Smear sacrificial ice cream on your doorposts to appease Biden. – It worked for the Israelites.
5. Show them your fully assembled LEGO Capitol Building set. – A true sign that you’re a deranged terrorist — they’ll run away screaming.
6. Smile and offer to shake their hand. – Nothing scares the pro-SCIENCE crowd like interacting like a normal human being.
7. If all else fails, release the hounds. – Hopefully you’ve had your “Release the Hounds” button installed already.
*The Babylon Bee is not responsible for any death, dismemberment, or imprisonment in a reeducation camp resulting from these techniques.
Other stories of questionable veracity from The Babylon Bee:
Door-To-Door Vaccine Monitor #1 Career Choice for Kids Who Got Beat Up in High School
Based on LEGO Evidence, FBI Believes Capitol Rioter Was Also Planning Attack on Hogwarts Castle
Teachers Demand Cameras in Homes to Monitor What Parents Are Teaching Children
ESPN Anchor Fired After Being Caught on Mic Actually Talking About Sports
Bernie Sanders Submits Bill to Tax the $0.16 Saved on Barbecues
FBI Claims Sauron Had LEGO Model of Minas Tirith in His Bedroom
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