Manifesto by Old Bathos

Old Bathos posted the following on March 30, 2023 @

I don’t have any immediate plans to do something destructive, futile, and stupid, but it occurred to me I should still have a manifesto reflecting my (unbalanced?) mental state on hand, just in case. Why should only nutballs and violent sickos get to have manifestos? Here is the first draft of mine:

Any federal agency whose employees organized a plot to kidnap an American Governor, fomented and led a break-in of the US Capitol during a constitutionally-mandated session, lied to a FISA judge, and tried to make Americans believe in the silly Steele “dossier” should be abolished.

I am not “white” or “melanin-challenged.” My people are “vitamin D maximizers” (up the VDM!), which definition/moniker honors the natural evolution of my people. I believe in science.

I do not have “gender.” Only nouns have a gender. People have sex. And no, you may not watch.

My carbon footprint is 1.2 nanoGores or 0.02 nanoKerrys. Unless you carbon-capture your own burps and farts, don’t emit your eco-judgments at me.

My pronouns are not shared because I should not have to assert the normal and obvious. If you require my pronouns, then I refuse to let you refer to me in the third person. I will not be objectified, hater.

Those who signed The Great Barrington Declaration were right about COVID. Congress must immediately mandate that on any campus or research facility that receives federal funds, anyone who urged silencing or career injury to such people must wear face masks at all times, and those masks must be emblazoned with a large image of Bozo the clown.

I oppose every aspect of systematic racism:

  • Allowing unpunished criminals to terrorize low-income black communities
  • Lowering standards and gutting education for minorities
  • Telling black youth they have no agency but are instead entirely dependent on the relative wokeness of white thought patterns
  • Condescension, cost-free pseudo-guilt and making black people uninvited pretexts of narcissism festivals.

Cranky old men should not only be allowed to express their opinions but encouraged. No official public hearing may be held unless at least two cranky old guys speak, and at least one must be a veteran and neither an elected official.

If you feel morally superior because you wish all guns could be wished away, know that I wish pomposity, narcissism, and statist fantasies would disappear, and that makes me better than you.

…And any other damn thing I feel like adding.

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