Author Archives: Pistol Pete

Posted by Pistol Pete

THIS IS IT! TODAY IS THE DAY YOU MUST BEND TO THE WILL OF HIS ROYAL HEINOUS

If you are caught without approved coverage after this day you are obviously racist and will be sent to a re-education camp and all your wealth will be confiscated for redistribution to those who never got all the lucky breaks you did.Its only fair.There’s only one problem:

Obamacare Website Fails on Final Signup Day

People trying to apply and enroll for private health insurance through Obamacare before Monday’s midnight deadline discovered the website was “currently unavailable.”

What a Stunning Surprise… Obamacare Website Fails on Final Signup Day

A guy I work with was bragging that his family got coverage for $80/month.He has a physical deformity and no doubt gets disability.At least one of his kids gets SSI and I’m pretty sure his wife is also on welfare.I didn’t bother to mention to him that the 80% coversge he thinks he has might not be hat it seems.He does,however,fit the profile:

4 of 5 Obamacare Enrollees Qualified for Subsidy

After my hospitalization last year I was qualified for a medi-plan that will cover some expenses any month I spend more than $1150 out of pocket.DW has no coverage but turns 65 in October.Once she gets registered for Medicare(or whats left of it) we’ll look for a supplemental for her.I don’t much care about what happens to me one way or another.There are still a few things I get to decide.

This is the Lesser Sage Hen.Fish and Wildlife just put it on the endangered species list.Watch for Bam to seize millions of acres of land in 5 southwest states to halt production of oil and natural gas.(they’re red states anyway,so who cares?)

Posted by Pistol Pete

We made it to Friday.Take a break from the normal BS that permeates our society and just enjoy the ravings of an old man slipping further into dementia.There are no penis or breast articles that I can recall today,but there are two dealing with that bodily function everybody does and nobody talks about(except with your spouse,unless you have really gross friends.)Got some cool screen captures,too.

THESES LOOK JUST LIKE VALJAR’S SLUMS BACK IN CHI….FULL OF MY SECTION 8ERS

WHAT’S THE GHETTO VERSION OF MR. POTATO HEAD?…DEAD BEET DAD

WHAT DO YOU CALL FOUR OBAMA VOTERS IN A CADILLAC?…GRAND THEFT AUTO

BARRY THOUGHT HE WAS MEETING SAUDI KING ABDULLAH…IT WAS ACTUALLY A LOOK-ALIKE NAMED SALEEM ABDUL YOMAMA,AN ITINERANT GOATHERDER.THE MEDAL BARRY’S WEARING IS MADE FROM PULL TABS FROM ‘INFIDEL BEER.’

BELGIUM MADE BARRY A LIFESIZE COOKIE OF HIMSELF WITH A BASKETBALL.THEY ORIGINALLY MADE IT OF HIM WITH A GOLF CLUB BUT THE NAALCP SAID HE LOOKED “TOO WHITE”,SINCE BRUTHAS DON’T PLAYS NO GOLFS.

MICHELLE BIT THE HEAD OFF STRAIGHTAWAY AND REGGIE LOVE OUTRACED CHRIS MATTHEWS AND A CROWD OF MEDIA TYPES TO EAT THE ASS.

Monika Allen,a brain cancer survivor,wore a tutu to run a marathon.

• Ms Allen was contacted by the magazine and asked for permission to use her photo – but she was not told it would be seen in the ‘BS Meter’
  
• It appeared in the section on ‘what’s legit and what’s lame this month’
  

EDITOR SAID SHE WAS “MORTIFIED” WHEN SHE SAW THE ARTICLE.
AS FAR AS I’M CONCERNED,’SELF MAGAZINE’ CAN GO SQUAT ON A CACTUS.

YOU GO,GIRL

Posted by Pistol Pete

Ahh,memories. I pay an exorbitant amount to get all the premium channels because of,basically,the NFL Network,the Military channel and Encore Westerns. I saw a movie on Encore yesterday called “A Big Hand for the Little Lady.” It starred Henry Fonda and Joanne Woodward. Great comedy made in 1966. It was playing at the drive-in theater when I had my first car date. I’ll never forget her. Really cute and built for comfort. I was completely inexperienced and had only had my first real kiss the year before. Much to my chagrin,I must have missed the part in health class where making out with a girl wearing braces on her teeth could be hazardous to your health. I kept telling myself I was having the time of my life. When I got home my tongue and neck looked like I’d been attacked by a rabid veg-o-matic. Granny said:’What’s that on your neck,young man?’ Apparently when granny and gramps were courting,hickeys hadn’t been invented yet.

Grandpa just chuckled.He thought it was funny as hell.

Chrissy:whenever I was having a pity party for one,granny would hug me and say,’you know you’re somebody important because God don’t make no junk.’ It always made me feel better.

Grunt:your link to the article about Putin cutting off the prostitute pipeline got me thinking. Back when I traveled around the city a lot I used to get approached by a hooker occasionally when I had to stop for a red light. My stock answer was  that I could stand being broke but I couldn’t stand being bored.

Part of the fun I have doing research for this post is finding pictues I can turn into something funny.

Tomorrow’s Friday and I have some really good stuff waiting for you,as always.

Barry laid a wreath at Flanders cemetery to honor WWI veterans. He looks like he’s putting his hand over where his heart purportedly is. In reality,he’s checking to make sure he has enough cigarettes.

Workers put the finishing touches on the wax figure of Plugs Biden for the Mme. Tussaud museum. Looks lifelike,doesn’t he?

LOOK HERE,POPE…I NEED SOME OF Y’ALLS MOJO. PEOPLE AIN’T BUYIN’ THE BULLSHIT ANYMORE. TELL YOU WHAT. YOU GIVE ME A COUPLE COMMEMORATIVE MEDALS AND A RED LEATHER BOUND COPY OF ‘EVANGELII GAUDIUM’ AND I’LL GIVE YOU SOME PACKETS OF VEGETABLE SEEDS FROM THE OLD LADY’S GARDEN. THAT SOUND COOL TO YOU?

After a snack of two dozen egg rolls and 4 gallons of egg drop soup and 6 plates of Moo Shoo pork,FLOTUS let a fart rip that was so toxic it set off an air quality alert in china.

Honey,do I look fat to you?

Do I look crazy to you?

Holland newspaper is in trouble for printing this picture.While I do not approve,it is an indication of what much of the world thinks of Dear Reader.

FORMER SPEAKER PELOSI APPLYING MAKEUP BEFORE GOING OUT TO MAKE ANOTHER DISJOINTED,DERANGED COMMENT. (sorry,Grunt)

ENOUGH HUMOR…THE REST OF THIS POST WILL BE COMPLETELY SERIOUS

(just kidding)

Posted by Pistol Pete

Miss Isabel and Miss Olivia are on spring break this week,so DW and I are designated chirren minders. Miss Isabel has become lactose intolerant,so grandpa brought her some sherbet and some chocolate-flavored soy milk. I’ll never get near Grandma numbers,but a few brownie points helps. By the time dad comes to fetch them home at night we remember what we DON’T miss about having little ones underfoot anymore.

I was extremely gratified to see some conversations posted yesterday.

Chrissy,your knowledge of snails is truly enlightening.

Zmalfoy:you made a comment about your use of the word ‘harass.’

Did you know that in Arkansas ‘harrass’ is used as two words? Ask Mr. Crooked Penis.

As a chile,his teacher said: Billy,use the word ‘harassment’ in a sentence.

Billy: Her lips said no,but I knew what harassment.

(I made that joke up some years ago in a rare moment of clarity.)

GRUNT:Sorry the Pelosi gumball picture freaked you out.Maybe you’ll like this one better:

BEHOLD THE DEDICATION OF OUR TOTALLY UNBIASED NEWS NETWORKS:

THERE ARE A LOT OF VIDEOS TODAY. ONE IS OF THIS PRIME EXAMPLE OF DEMOCRAT WOMANHOOD.

THIS KINDLY OLD LADY CROCHETED A UTERUS AND TOOK IT TO A PLANNED PARENTHOOD RALLY AGAINST UNBORN CHILDREN

THE WOOKIE SHOWS SHE CAN DO TAI CHI EVEN AFTER SHE ATE A WHOLE PIG.CHECK OUT THE SIZE OF HER FLIPPERS COMPARED TO THE GUY

HEY,MOOCH:WHADDYA CALL A FAT CHINAMAN? A CHUNK

Posted by Pistol Pete

Today the Supreme Court is hearing oral arguments in a case known as Hobby Lobby vs. Sebelius to determine whether a business has the same rights to freedom of religion as individuals do. The left frames it as religious rights vs. womens’ rights. What I can’t figure out is how this involves “womens’ rights” in any way.

Mooch is still waddling around China,forcing the media out of her public appearances and making phony speeches about freedoms.

Barky landed in Brussels yesterday. The summit has decided to suspend Russia for the time being. Krauthammer commented that it was like suspending a vegan from a steakhouse. He just doesn’t care. Dear Reader’s trip to the Netherlands for one day cost the country 10 million euros. They’re finding out what its like putting up with this disaster.

MOST OF MY IMAGES ARE OF A POLITICAL OR HUMOROUS NATURE. I JUST THREW THIS ONE OF TWO SNAILS LEANING OVER FOR A KISS WHILE PERCHED ON CHERRY STEMS BECAUSE I JUST LIKED IT.

THIS IS WHY LIBERALS WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND SOLDIERS

Added by CtH: This is a screenshot I took while watching the beatdown video Pete posted below, cuz the ad placement cracked me up!

Posted by Pistol Pete

So,how was your weekend? The disappearance of the Maylaysian jetliner is going into its third week. The networks are still going wall-to-wall with breaking news about….nothing. All this is to avoid having to say anything about Putin bitch-slapping the Magic Negro and the various and sundry atrocities perpetrated by the democrat party…and they are legion. Hopefully I can help you catch up. There is one link today that may be the most appalling I’ve ever posted. If I didn’t think it was of import I would not have included it.

First:

Barky got in another round of golf yesterday before jetting off to the Netherlands for an emergency meeting of the G-7 powers to discuss the Russian invasion of Ukraine. It also affords him the chance to duck the media for another week.

Michelle is having a very nice time in China,thank you. She’s made so many outrageous statements I included a few links here so as not to use valuable space in the reply section.

Michelle: Barack ‘Has Dragged Me Kicking and Screaming Into Things that I Wanted No Parts Of’

Yeah,she really said that.

http://www.weeklystandard.com/blogs/michelle-barack-has-dragged-me-kicking-and-screaming-things-i-wanted-no-parts_785779.html

Posted by Pistol Pete

If you are new here you’re probably asking yourself what kind of a sick,diseased mind would read this kind of nonsense,much less post it. That would be me. It’s a release valve,after a fashion,from all the filth and depravity I wade through on a daily basis. The things I find make me feel like there are much weirder people than me walking around. You will not find a similar post anywhere. Guaranteed.

LIBERAL THINK TANK

ENJOY THE WEEKEND!!

Posted by Pistol Pete

That didn’t take long. The democrat hacks here wasted no time commencing the populist whining about the mean,rich republicans who want to take their cushy jobs away from them. Governor Quinn will keep pounding:billionaire,nine mansions,wants to lower minimum wage. He finds that preferable to answering why Illinois has the poorest credit rating in the country,some of the highest taxes and leads in companies fleeing the state. We are also about 19  billion in debt for the unfunded pension liabilities to the public unions he owes his job to.

Dirty Dick Dirtbag sighed that he’s going up against a self-funded Jim Oberweis and he’s had to overcome big money attacks before,and with help from the folks,he can do it again. Poor bastard sounds like after 36 years in office he doesn’t have a pot to piss in or a window to throw it out of. (You can guess who taught me that one.) These pricks never met a dollar they didn’t want to spend,as long as it’s somebody elses.

On a lighter note,the world became a little better place today. Fred Phelps,formerly of the Westboro Baptist Church, has taken his well-earned place in the tenth circle of Hell. It’s a safe bet his lot is far worse than the fallen heroes his mouth-breathing gang was famous for defaming.

WE’RE HERE!!WHERE’S THE EGGROLLS,Y’ALL?

In the socialist utopia of Venezuela,these people are lined up waiting for ….food.

DW is visiting her dad in Wisconsin for a few days,so I can get away with this.

Take a good look at the x-ray

Posted by Pistol Pete

Our state held its primaries yesterday. The turnout was generally low. Cook County showed a voter turnout of 16%,12% of which were still alive.

Investment banker,Bruce Rauner,a self-made billionaire with 9 homes won the republican nomination. In a close race,dem Governor Pat Quinn won the nomination,running unopposed. He made it clear what the left’s tactic will be. In his victory speech,Quinn,the lying,tax-raising,union bitch-boy railed about HE didn’t have nine mansions and was never going to be part of the one per cent,all this to cheering supporters. I just hope Rauner doesn’t pull a Romney and start apologizing for working hard and making money. That’s all the liberals have to use.

Jim Oberweis,a self-funded candidate won the right to be cheated out of a US Senate seat by the despicable Dickless Dirtbag,who promptly tweeted his donors he needed their money to overcome this rich businessman. (Using some of the money he’s stolen after 36 years in office was out of the question.) Let the lies and fraud begin.

Posted by Pistol Pete

Just got back from exercising my voting privilege. The poll worker said its been pretty light,which is normal for a primary. The way I look at it,a primary is the only election where the vote isn’t stacked. At least as a republican I had a few choices. Democrats rarely have any opposition,as the Chicago Machine and the public unions preordain who the winners are going to be.

You all know I don’t simply regurgitate whatever the headlines of the day are. You can get that anywhere. I try to make this post worth your time to visit. Putin has declared Crimea an independent state and the attacks on Ukraine have begun. Ukraine has begged the US for weapons to fight back with,but Obama is too busy spit-shining Putey’s booties. As I saw on another website today,at least we’ve gone 244 years before we got stuck with a disastrous presidency of this magnitude.

REAGAN WON THE COLD WAR…OBAMA IS GIVING IT ALL BACK.PUTIN IS JUST STARTING HIS TAKEOVER.

THE STATE OF NEW YORK SENT FIREARM REGISTRATION FORMS TO GUN OWNERS IN THE STATE.HERE’S WHAT THOUSANDS DID WITH THEM.

ME ‘N THE KIDS ‘N MAMA G’WAN TO CHINA FOR A WEEK.SEE Y’ALL SUCKERS LATER!

THIS IS ONLY MAH FOURTH VACATION THIS YEAR.I NEED IT WITH ALL THE WORK I DOES.