Category Archives: Funny Stuff

This was my original thought for the title of the Hillary Show. It took a while to figure out the style of English Drawing Room humor. I used to enjoy watching Monty Python because in many ways they were far ahead of their time.

SOME LIGHT STUFF TO START YOUR WEEKEND

In Back to the Future 2, Doc, Marty, and Jennifer traveled to today.

It is said that revenge is a dish best served cold. There was an article on FB yesterday that would indicate that a little heat can also be useful.

Man Makes Wings With Ghost Chillies To Get Revenge On Lunch Thief Office Worker

As depressing as it is, most of us spend more time with our co-workers than with our families. Since we are stuck with these people for so much time it’s generally a good idea to treat them with a little bit of respect if for any other reason so that they do the same for you. This starts with food; never mess with a person’s lunch, especially at work where for most office drones lunch is the one sliver of happiness they get each day as they can bury their faces in some slop for a half an hour and forget about their Office Space existence.

A user over at Reddit named Toastedchillies recounts the “Revenge Porn” tale of how he took matters into his own hands and stood his ground against his wife’s office lunch thief. He says;

“I’m a bit of a chili head. Love my hot sauces. I also love to cook.”

“I also cook my wife a delicious lunch each day. She kept complaining that someone was stealing her lunch every couple of days out of the fridge at work.”

So I made her some buffalo wings for lunch to put in the fridge. They are really popular with her colleagues, but I spiced them up just a little with some Blair’s 4am Reserve. (I note you are meant to dilute it with 1 drop per 5 liters of liquid.)

And THIS is its warning label:
READ THIS LABEL CAREFULLY….THIS STUFF WILL PUT A HICKEY ON YOUR HEART AND SMOKE YOUR HAIR

It’s filled with 4 Million to 5 Million Scoville units… A Ghost Pepper is 1 Million Scoville Units, which are used to measure the spice heat.

So I added a couple of drops of Blairs 4am Reserve per wing with nice dusting of Ghost chilli powder for good measure.”

“I did eat a couple to make sure it didn’t kill anybody, they were real hot. Even cream doesn’t cut the heat…”

“…and Ghost chillies keep getting hotter for about 5 minutes.”

“Needless to say just before lunch, there was a shrill from the kitchen, a young male colleague decided to help himself the my wife’s lunch which was clearly marked with her name. He ran to the toilet and vomited over and over.”

Apparently the moans sounded like he was dying.”

My wife just sat there innocently pretending nothing was wrong. Needless to say she has not lost a single lunch since.”

http://800whistleblower.com/man-makes-wings-with-ghost-chillies-to-get-revenge-on-lunch-thief-office-worker/

TO GIVE YOU AN IDEA, THIS IS A CHART OF CHILIS AND THE SCOVILLE UNITS OF EACH

THINK TWICE BEFORE YOU TAKE A CO-WORKERS LUNCH.

There was a time not so long ago that most of us can’t remember when the senior citizen vote was much sought after by both parties. We were generally better-educated, more affluent, and more involved in our communities. We felt it was our civic duty to vote in every election, primary or general, and we knew what referendums were on the ballot and which judges we wanted to retain.

All that’s changed. Since the advent of electronic voting, it has become easier to rig machines to get false totals, liberals have fought voter I.D. laws so they can garner multiple votes fraudulently, and with tens of millions of criminals pouring over the border who will be given the right to vote, we don’t seem to matter much anymore. By my count, flawed by the onset of senility as it may be, this marks the fourth time in eight years those of us on Social Security will not get even a pittance of an increase in our monthly benefits during the Obama reign of terror.

Before his accession to the throne there had never been a single year we did not get an increase. It became painfully obvious very quickly that he cared more about weighing down our system with more democrat parasites than the welfare of those who made this country what it once was. His profligate spending will crush the yet-unborn generation who will be burdened by the out-of-control spending by politicians who will be long gone before the reckoning comes due.

I used to joke that I would refuse to age gracefully, but rather be dragged kicking and screaming into that good night. I have resigned myself to the fact things will never get better because the willfully ignorant, slothful miscreants who vote for a living have become a permanent majority. Maybe it’s a blessing that my time passing through this world is coming to an end.

This is to allay the fears of my good friend and bestest buddy, Chrissy, who expressed concern about a comment I made about the movie Behind the Green Door. This movie was made in 1972 and was in the same genre as Deep Throat and Debbie Does Dallas. The noteworthy thing about this film was that the star, Marilyn Chambers, was the model for the box of Ivory Snow Soap Flakes.

This was during the time when movies were filmed in 16MM and shown in “art theaters” frequented largely by smelly, sweaty men wearing overcoats, loose-fitting trousers and looking much like Harry Reid and Bernie Sanders. Compared to the array of smut available today on any computer screen, these were actually funny, given the contrived plots, dialogue, the actresses all wore wigs and the actors had moustaches like David Axelrod.

Would anybody in their right mind actually take a date to one of these places? Well, OK, but it was her idea. To avoid any possible chance of someone seeing me, we went to a show in a town 30 miles east of here. The theater itself reeked of bodily secretions and heavy duty pine cleaner.

My date was a girl I went to college with, and we had done a couple theatrical productions there. To say she was outspoken would be an understatement. During the entire film she kept a running commentary loud enough for everyone to hear.

‘She’s faking it!’

‘Women don’t sound like that!’

‘Yeah,give it to her good!’

I tried to slink down in my seat as far as I could without sliding onto that nasty floor. When the movie was about over I took her hand and beat a hasty retreat out of there. As we’re heading back to the car I was looking straight ahead, not risking eye contact with any of those perverts. Once we were safely away, I asked her if she learned anything. I had the unfortunate luck of taking her to a movie that starred John Holmes. “Johnny Wadd,” as he was known, had to have had an organ transplant from a Shetland pony. She said,”Yeah,I learned how inadequate you are.”

‘Darlin.’ I replied, ‘me and my two best friends measured end to end wouldn’t be that big.’ We sort of drifted apart some time later and I think she either became a dominatrix or she married a democrat representative. Same difference.

By the time I was married for the second time I came to the realization that art does not, in fact, imitate life. I never came across that van full of cheerleaders all wanting to have their way with me. Once you learn how to appreciate a good woman you don’t need that kind of crap.