Category Archives: Funny Stuff

bluebird of bitterness adds:

Posted by Pistol Pete

DW just left to take our little angels(?) home, so I thought I’d do a quickie in case anybody wanders by.

Had our taxes done yesterday. In 47 years of filing returns it’s the first year I’ve had to pay in because of the ‘self-employment’ tax since I deliver a few papers. Now I know what homosexuals feel like the first time.

I got home and a car had destroyed our mailbox post and ended up in a big snowbank on the other side of the street. It was a Hispanic kid. I asked him if he did it.

Yes,I’m sorry.

What’s your name?

He told me.

Let me see your license.

I no have license with me…it’s at home.

You’re driving without a license?

He said it was at home.

Do you have insurance?

Is my father’s car…insurance in car.

Let me see.

No no no.

I’m calling the police.

With that he took off down the street like his pantalones were ablaze.

I called 911 and about 20 minutes later two units showed up. My little amigo was in the back of one.

I gave them the information I had and the landlord’s contact info. I’d already called him and he said he’d be over this morning to put up a temporary mailbox until spring thaw. The landlord thanked me for getting involved.

I’m so sick of these cockroaches sneaking across the border, driving with no license or insurance, and when they get drunk and kill somebody they run back to Mexico. I’ve seen it happen more than once. It’s also a reason insurance rates are so high…uninsured driver coverage.

Enough….let’s have a little fun.

Added by CtH:

Posted by Pistol Pete

Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. A day for flowers,candy,romantic dinners and cards. For me,it’s one more day until the merciful end of Vermont Teddy Bear,Pro Flowers.com,and those nauseating Pajama Gram commercials. We’re sharing our special day with our overnight guests,Miss Isabel and Miss Olivia. I can’t think of a better way to celebrate a special day.

YOU SHOULD NEVER TAKE YOUR WEINER OUT IN BAD WEATHER

IN THE SPITE HOUSE,EVEN THE DOGS DINE OFF FINE CHINA AND CRYSTAL

Posted by Pistol Pete

First,happy belated birthday to my friend Grunt. You have now crossed the 50’s threshold. Imagine it as being the apex of the roller coaster. The descent will pick up speed and one day in the not-too-distant future you’ll look behind you and ask:’what happened?’ I’ll hit 64 come August and it’s really not so bad…other than the grouchiness,the fatigue,the sore muscles,night sweats,bad breath,having more hair in your ears than on your chest,growling back at the neighbors’ pain-in-the-ass dog,incontinence,memory lapses,hugging your pillow like you used to hug your wife,pulling the least-smelly t-shirt out of the laundry basket because your wifey is out of town and you’re too lazy to do a load of laundry because hey,you’re retired. You can get away with mouthing off to strangers because there are special laws to protect the elderly and besides,they figure you’re so old you’re gonna die soon,so why bother? You can spoil the grandkids,because the parents won’t get shit when you die because you already spent it. Make your life’s goal to live long enough to be a burden to your children. It can be a beautiful thing.

I was going to go on a rant in the header about Benedict Boehner and the frou-frou  partay at the Spite House last night,but I’ll do it in the comments. No sense dampening the spirits of another member of the Old Farts Club.

This is the Carolina Herrera original,priced at $12,000 that the Wookie wore last night. There is obviously a room somewhere in the White House that’s missing the curtains. The lump in the back is not a bustle…its all her fat ass.

Posted by Pistol Pete

This post will probably be even crappier than it usually is. You’ve been warned.

NOW they tell us we can quit our jobs and let the government take care of us with money from somebody else. Where were they 40-odd years ago,when I was driving a truck in all manner of weather,getting stuck in snowdrifts,having my diesel engine gel up in subzero weather and working 12-16 hours a day just to provide for my family? To think of the part time jobs I had to do,bartending or delivering pizzas because the kids needed school clothes or a prom dress or money to go to church camp or to help them buy their first car,it was all just a waste of energy. I could have spent my time yelling at my kids to keep quiet because I wanted to take a nap before dinner.

Of course,you all know this whole meme is just a way to try to explain why so many people are losing their jobs and getting their hours cut back,purportedly so they can get a subsidy for the health insurance they’re forced to take,since the plan they had and liked didn’t meet with the approval of one man who thinks he’s a king.

I have been in a committed relationship that has grown worse and worse until it’s now to the point we can barely stand each other. I intend to get a divorce in the next two days. I have been keeping an eye on the used car ads and I mean to rid myself of my 2000 Chevy  Blazer with the 4X4 that hasn’t worked in 2 winters,the heater that blows lukewarm air and the electrical system that shuts down and comes back on as you’re driving. It seems the industry has never recovered from the cash for clunkers fiasco that precipitated the destruction of many,many family-owned dealerships,including one that was in my town for 60 years. So many good,usable cars were willfully destroyed that the price of what was left went up and is still high. Thursday DW is going to get the little ones and bringing them home for an overnight. I can’t wait.

Yeah,I’m wound up and its going to get worse. If you are easily offended,I suggest you leave now.

Russia chose a lawmaker and former figure skater who tweeted a racially charged photo of President Obama to light the Olympic cauldron on Friday.

Irina Rodnina made international headlines last September when she sent out a doctored photo of Obama and first lady Michelle Obama appearing to stare at a banana. The photo outraged the Obama administration and prompted U.S. Ambassador Michael McFaul to denounce Rodnina’s “outrageous behavior, which only brings shame to her parliament and country.”

Rodnina erased the tweet soon after but defiantly refused to apologize.

“Freedom of speech is freedom of speech, and you should answer for your own hang-ups,” she wrote at the time.

THIS IS THE LIBERAL TRAMP,STANLEY ANN DUNHAM. SHE SPREAD HER LEGS FOR A BLACK COCKHOUND WITH A PENCHANT FOR IDEAOLOGICAL WHITE GIRLS AND TOGETHER THEY SPAWNED A DEMON FROM HELL. EVEN AT AN EARLY AGE,HE SHOWED HIS DESIRE TO STEAL FROM THISE WHO HAD MONEY,LIKE A PIRATE.

PLANNED PARENTHOOD HELD A CELEBRATION OF THE SLAUGHTER OF INNOCENTS WITH A FASHION SHOW,COMPLETE WITH A CONDOM DRESS

APPARENTLY FOX CAN’T TELL A HUMAN FROM A REPTILE. THEY’VE SIGNED THE DESPICABLE JAMES CARVILLE,OBVIOUSLY TO SAY NICE THINGS ABOUT KILLARY

Citizen satirizes proposed local firearms ordinances

I dunno how this guy got through his speech so deadpan. 🙂

H/t Cherry

Better leave more quietly! LOL

Source:
http://twitchy.com/2014/02/08/someones-in-trouble-with-duck-dynastys-miss-kay-for-early-morning-duck-call/