My latest update from the campaign trail.
TRUMP: Evangelicals for Trump prayed over the president before he spoke at a campaign rally in Miami Friday afternoon.
2020
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Soleimani Dies, Democrats Hardest Hit
CtH: Isn’t it interesting how some guy gets blown up half way around the world and all of a sudden nobody is talking about what Nancy Pelosi has or has not delivered to the Senate?
SATIRE by Andrew Klavan
Democrats are calling for a day of mourning for Qassem Soleimani, the man who was called Iran’s “most revered military leader,” by The Washington Post, where Democracy Dies in Darkness if they have anything to say about it.
Soleimani, who was Iran’s most revered military leader because he was responsible for the deaths of hundreds of American soldiers, was in the midst of plotting more such deaths when he himself died under mysterious circumstances, namely a missile decorated with the words, “Dear Qassem, Here’s a missile in your ear from your friends in America. Love, President Trump, and all my fellow Americans, except Democrats and The Washington Post.”
Soon afterward, Soleimani woke up in Paradise surrounded by virgins, although it was a lot hotter than he thought it was going to be and the virgins were large, muscular men with tattoos that said things like, “Welcome to hell, my new be-yotch!’
Crowds gathered to mourn Soleimani in Tehran yesterday, and then rushed home in order to continue campaigning in Iowa.
Bernie Sanders responded to Soleimani’s death by saying, “Of course he was a terrorist, but who could forget his sparkling eyes, his charming smile, and that laugh that wrinkled his nose just before he slaughtered my countrymen.”
Democrat Senate Leader Chuck Schumer wept copiously as he issued a statement to the painting in his basement of sad-eyed clowns holding puppies. Schumer sobbed, “If only the president had informed me of his decision to launch this strike, all this sorrow could have been avoided.”
At universities around the country, students poured out of their Transgender Theory classes to protest the U.S. War in Iran. They were led by Congresswoman Alexandria Occasional Cortex who told the crowd, “We cannot defeat terrorists by killing them. Only when we stand by and do nothing will they realize they can never win.”
When the students were informed that there actually was no war with Iran, they returned to their dorms and continued smoking dope and watching porn.
Filed under Loose Pollen
2020
My latest update from the campaign trail.
IMPEACHMENT: “Not quite yet, dude. You should wiggle the sword around to be sure.” – Frankly the Nut
Since House Speaker Pelosi still hasn’t sent the articles of impeachment against President Trump, Senator Josh Hawley (R-MO) says he will introduce legislation to dismiss them, because of Democrats’ abuse of the Constitution.
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Bits & Bytes
WORTH WATCHING AGAIN: [6:00] – For many years, I engaged in a silent rebellion against my mother who demanded our beds be made first thing every day. Sadly, the only reason given was, “I said so,” which did not inspire me to make it my lifelong habit nor to teach my kids to make it theirs.
But some years ago, this man gave me a reason that made sense to me and ever since, on all but my worst days, I have made my bed before getting dressed and, on almost every one of those days, I have thought about his wise words while I straightened, smoothed and tucked.
Filed under Loose Pollen
2020
My latest update from the campaign trail.
EMANCIPATION: [2:08] – On January 1, 1863, Republicans freed the slaves. Democrats and their shills in the media denounced the Emancipation Proclamation as “a proposal for the butchery of women and children” and “an outrage of all constitutional law, all human justice, all Christian feeling.”
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Winding up 2019
THANK YOU: To all of you who have joined us here in the PoliNation garden during 2019!
Filed under Loose Pollen
Media Disappointed to Learn Armed Citizen Stopped Mass Shooting
From The Babylon Bee.
U.S.—The nation’s media outlets announced they were grieving today as an armed citizen stopped a mass shooting.
“We grieve that this tragedy we could have exploited for weeks on end was stopped by a good guy with a gun,” said one teary-eyed MSNBC reporter on the scene. “Our thoughts and prayers are with the shooter.”
“We are absolutely heartbroken and in shock over here,” said one New York Times journalist. “What could have given us weeks and weeks of frothing-at-the-mouth stories about gun control will now have to be suppressed since it does not align with our agenda.”
News outlets also reminded the nation that they reserve the right to immediately bury mass shooting stories that don’t help push their agenda. Continue reading
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