After Kevin Hart was forced out as Oscar host over decade-old jokes that were deemed homophobic, the Oscars committee was scrambling to find a replacement that absolutely no one would find offensive.
The same thing happened to this year’s Heisman Trophy winner over a comment he made about gays when he was 14. you can never appease those who insist on being offended by everything. So, The Babylon Bee has come up with a foolproof solution.
Oscars To Be Hosted By Boom Box Playing Inoffensive, Calming Ambient Noise
The traditional opening monologue, according to sources, will just be a track dubbed “Amazon Rainforest.” Oscars attendees will be soothed by the sounds of rain falling in a lush rainforest as pictures of idyllic locations will be played on a screen. Stagehands will be ready to charge onstage and tackle the boom box, should anyone become upset by its tranquil sounds.
After each part of the ceremony, the boom box will be placed on stage, and an assistant will cue up a cassette tape with a different track to help everyone at the Oscars feel safe, warm, and loved. Of course, the boom box is not sentient and so cannot actually announce the presentation of any awards. The Oscars committee says this is by design, as no one will be offended by not getting an award.
I remember playing what we called the “parking lot game” when I was in college. We’d park near the back of the lot and go into the mall. We’d come out with our keys in hand, watching the cars circle like vultures, waiting for that primo spot near the door. We’d start looking like our car was close and we were trying to spot it, just to see how many cars we could get to follow us, hoping to grab the coveted spot. I think our best tally was four. Things got was too serious when these girls didn’t move fast enough to suit the entitled minorities who fully expected these girls to kiss their ass. The girls all ended up hospitalized. Homies don’t play when it comes to their stuff.
3 teen girls beaten over mall parking spot
“I noticed the car had pulled up behind me,” McFadden said. “I had told my friend to wait because I was not pulling out yet because I wanted to sit and wait. Another car, about three cars out from me, was pulling out, and some people backed into that spot and got out of the car and came walking past my car.”
McFadden said the four people – two men and two women – were mumbling something as they walked past. She said she didn’t think they were talking to them. McFadden said as one of her friends leaned into the car to say something to her, one of the women turned and began yelling at them.
The women also allegedly shouted racial epithets toward the McFadden and her friends.
“I was on the phone with the police at the time and I just started reading the license plate over and over to the dispatcher because I knew they were going to try to leave,” McFadden said. “They got in their car, and they were screaming ‘you dumb white bi***es. You are too comfortable.’ They just kept reiterating that we were white and too comfortable, and we were stupid white girls and all this stuff.”
This kid ran for alderman to make a statement. His opponent was one of strongman Mike Madigan’s loyal storm troopers. Madigan is the most powerful man in the state. Insurgents are dealt with quickly and permanently.
A college kid running for 13th Ward alderman gets a lesson in the Chicago Way
The history of the little guy being squashed by massive Chicago political clout at election time is just too long to print without weeping.
But the story for today is so amazing that some Chicago election officials have never seen the like.
The Goliath is the 13th Ward Democratic Organization run by House Speaker Michael J. Madigan, aka Boss Madigan, the most powerful politician in the state. Boss Madigan has long hand-picked his aldermen. He likes them loyal and quiet. The current silent alderman of the 13th Ward is Marty Quinn.
Yes, I do know the neighborhood. For decades, my father and uncle ran a family supermarket in the 13th Ward, at 58th and Pulaski. We’d cash paychecks without charging a check-cashing fee. On government paycheck days, the line of city, county and state workers would ring around the store, for hours upon hours, thousands of them.
To get on the ballot, Krupa was required to file 473 valid signatures of ward residents with the Chicago Board of Elections. Krupa filed 1,703 signatures.
But before he filed his signatures with the elections board, an amazing thing happened along the Chicago Way.
An organized crew of political workers — or maybe just civic-minded individuals who care about reform — went door to door with official legal papers. They asked residents to sign an affadavit revoking their signature on Krupa’s petition.
More than 2,700 revocations were turned over to the elections board to cancel the signatures on Krupa’s petitions. Chicago Board of Elections officials had never seen such a massive pile of revocations.
“The board has received a few revocations here and there in very rare electoral board cases over the years,” said election board spokesman Jim Allen.
But more than 2,700? Impossible, no?
The number of revocations far exceeds the number of signatures Krupa collected. That means false affidavits were filed with the elections board.
They go on strike every two years demanding 7% raises, smaller classes, more paid holidays and shorter working hours. Then squeal like pigs when the city has to close 50 schools and lay off thousands of teachers because of budget cuts. The big flap this year was about schools for the millions of illegals infesting Chicago. See, homeowners have to pay for schools through property taxes. Illegals pay nothing and their kids get their education free.
Chicago Teachers Union suspends strike after agreement that includes ‘sanctuary schools’ for immigrants
More than 500 teachers walked out of 15 schools associated with Acero Schools, one of Chicago’s largest charter school networks. The teacher strike, which started on Tuesday and continued into Friday, cancelled classes for more than 7,000 children.
The CTU’s strike demanded for increased salaries for educators, a sanctuary school policy that would protect illegal immigrant children from deportation, and smaller class sizes, according to Chalkbeat
Acero filed complaints with the Illinois Educational Labor Relations Board and National Labor Relations Board on Friday to stop the strike, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. Picketers allegedly offered alcohol to a school security guard in front of minors. Another allegation said a picketer threatened to call immigration officials to a parent who was bringing a child to school.
Teachers will be expected to be in school on Monday.
Hillary Clinton Takes Huma as Her Date to $100 Million Indian Wedding Looking Like a Bag Lady
Seems the rumors of Hillary Clinton being a heterosexual are vastly overstated.Personally I doubt she has enough compassion to care about anyone but herself.Maybe she and Huma get together and whine about what losers their husbands are. (That’s Huma in the background.)
Hillary Clinton arrived in Udaipur with her date Huma Abedin over the weekend for Isha Ambani’s pre-wedding party.
Isha Ambani, the daughter of India’s wealthiest man is getting married to Anand Priamal, the son of an Indian billionaire and the week-long wedding reportedly cost $100 million.
The Ambanis, who made their money in oil and gas, are Clinton Foundation donors.
Hillary Clinton wore a blue muumuu to some of the pre-wedding festivities and later changed into a gold dress to watch Beyonce perform
Why is it that Supreme Court judges appointed by republican presidents turn out to be liberals in disguise so often? Souter was. Roberts was. Justices appointed by democrat presidents always, ALWAYS are just as hard left as advertised. They never suffer disappointments. It looks like we may have been conned again.
Justices Roberts and Kavanaugh Betray Pro-Lifers. As Expected
Come on. Who didn’t see this coming?
After all the push and fighting pro-lifers did to make sure Robert Kavanaugh took a seat on the U.S. Supreme Court, how could we not have expected to be betrayed as soon as possible? Roberts is Roberts. I mean, that ship has sailed. He’s on the organ donor waiting list for the first spine transplant.
The Supreme Court Monday rebuffed efforts by states to block funding to Planned Parenthood.
It left in place two lower court opinions that said that states violate federal law when they terminate Medicaid contracts with Planned Parenthood affiliates who offer preventive care for low income women.
It would have taken four justices to agree to hear the issue, and only three conservative justices — Clarence Thomas, Samuel Alito and Neil Gorsuch — voted to hear the case.
Chief Justice John Roberts and Justice Brett Kavanaugh appeared to side with the court’s liberals in not taking up the case — showing an effort to avoid high-profile abortion-related issues for now.
Justice Thomas Accuses Colleagues of Avoiding Abortion Issues as SCOTUS Passes on Planned Parenthood Defunding Appeal
One justice who has never disappointed.
In a scathing dissent, Justice Clarence Thomas implied that the high court’s decision had to do with a desire to avoid the politically polarizing issue of abortion.
“What explains the court’s refusal to do its job here?” he wrote. “I suspect it has something to do with the fact that some respondents in these cases are named ‘Planned Parenthood.’ That makes the court’s decision particularly troubling, as the question presented has nothing to do with abortion.”
GENESIS: And you thought YOU had awful in-laws — “Who married Adam and Eve’s kids?” is one of those “ah ha the Bible is stooopid” things non-believers like to throw at us. But I just read that DNA studies have proven that modern day humans not only all have the same original mom and dad, but also that we carry Neanderthal genes!
LIBERALISM: Then and now — When I was growing up, “liberal” meant something good. Now, it means you spend an inordinate amount of time finding things to be pissed off about and inflicting your bad attitudes on everyone around you. NOT that conservatives are always perfectly rational and reasonable …
PLUS, Alaska and Hawaii’s coasts face East, West, South and North. We also have coast Northern coast line in the lower 48, along the Great Lakes.
TRUMP DIDN’T: Oh yes he did — Tweets and posts have claimed that President Donald Trump disdained former President George H.W. Bush by not putting his hand over his heart as his casket passed by. What he did was drop his hand after the casket had passed by. Other people, notably former President Jimmy Carter, also did not put their hands over their hearts for as long as others did.
CLINTON KARMA: I’m sure LOTS of people will show up for her TRIAL. The chief financial officer of the Clinton Foundation has turned informant —
From Thomas Lifton at American Thinker:“The reckoning for the Clintons I have dreamed of for a quarter of a century finally approaches with whistleblowing and documents about the slush fund known as the Bill, Hillary, and Chelsea Clinton Foundation. The ability of the Clintons to blow off charges of criminality will be crippled by the latest evidence revealed to be in the hands of prosecutors. With the former first couple humiliated by their inability to draw a decent crowd anymore, and plenty of other Democrats anxious to move on and put this embarrassment behind them, it is starting to look as though karma finally is catching up with them.”
From John Solomon at The Hill: “When a House subcommittee chairman bangs his gavel next week to convene an unprecedented investigative hearing into the Clinton Foundation, two questions will linger as preeminent: Is the Clinton family charity really the international do-gooder that earned a perfect four-star rating from Charity Navigator, or does it suffer from corruption and illegalities as conservatives allege? And if it is the latter, how much evidence of wrongdoing does the government possess?
“The answer to the first question is that the foundation and its projects reported collecting about $2.5 billion to help global crises, from AIDS to earthquakes, even as its own auditors, lawyers and employees privately warned of problems over the years. The answer to the second question may reside in 6,000 pages of evidence attached to a whistleblower submission filed secretly more than a year ago with the IRS and FBI.”
MIGRANT CRIME: Germany — Since Merkel opened the country’s borders, the number of weapon permits has increased 130 percent. Clearly, the German people have little faith in the authorities to protect them from migrant crime.
ABORTION: The Heartbeat Protection Act — Introduced on January 12, 2017, this bill would ban abortions after the fetal heartbeat can be detected, which is at about six weeks. Former abortionist, Dr., Kathi A. Aultman, testified in favor of the bill. After medical school, she says she became an abortionist, and later a medical director for Planned Parenthood, partly because of her strong feminist leanings, but also because the money was good. She even committed abortions while she herself was pregnant. Now a Christian and pro-life, she now compares herself to a serial killer. “I probably murdered more people than Ted Bundy or any of the mass murderers if you consider all the abortions that I did,” she says. A video of her testimony before Congress is posted at the link.
ROE V WADE: Bad law or judicial malpractice?— “Pro-lifers and honest pro-abortion legal scholars agree that Roe v. Wade was wrongly decided. But just how wrong is it? Is it bad law solely because it declares a right to something the Constitution is silent about, or does its judicial malpractice run deeper? … Harvard Journal of Law and Public Policy has published an article written by Harvard law student (and former Live Action contributor) Josh Craddock that lays out the case in perhaps the most depth it’s ever received.”
TRUMP’S CHIEF OF STAFF: “I will be departing at the end of the year.” –– President Trump’s chief of staff, former General John F. Kelly, is leaving the White House. Vice President Pence’s COF, Nick Ayers, is also expected to leave, so he can work for a super PAC ahead of the 2020 campaign.
TRUMP’S AG NOMINEE: William Barr— The 68-year-old jurist is a former U.S. attorney general who served in the position from November 1991 to January 1993 under President George H.W. Bush. He is also an advocate of investigating Hillary Clinton. If confirmed by the Senate, Barr would succeed acting Attorney General Matthew Whitaker, who took over after Trump fired Attorney General Jeff Sessions.
SNL: Are you old enough to remember when Saturday Night Live skits were actually funny?
SOCIAL JUSTICE WARRIOR: Wait, what? — It’s true. Unemployed Colin “take a knee to protest the racism of America” says he’ll play for any team that offers him a job … including the Redskins.
TYSON: More dirt — A fourth accuser has come forward to Buzzfeed News claiming Neil deGrasse Tyson drunkenly approached her at a 2010 party, making sexual jokes and propositioning her to join him alone in his office. The woman isn’t named in the story but Buzzfeed was able to find evidence she had told numerous people about the incident at the time. In a 2014 email shared with BuzzFeed News, she described the incident to her own employer in order to shoot down a proposed collaboration with Tyson.
COMMON CORE CONNECTIONS: Gee, what a surprise /sarc — I found this in Young Adults section of my on-line library’s catalog: The Prince and the Dressmaker by Jen Wang. “Sebastian’s secret weapon (and best friend) is the brilliant dressmaker Frances—one of only two people who know the truth: sometimes this boy wears dresses. … This title has Common Core connections.” ::sigh:: I hope my kids are up to raising godly children in this twisted age.
Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez’s Green New Deal Is ‘Pretty Much All Fantasy-land’ Experts decry ‘pie in the sky’ environmental plan
Since sweeping into Congress atop a wave of far-left support, Rep.-elect Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D., N.Y.) has been very clear what her number one goal is: a Green New Deal for America.
“This is going to be the Great Society, the moonshot, the civil rights movement of our generation. That is the scale of the ambition that this movement is going to require,” Ocasio-Cortez said during a Monday town hall with Sen. Bernie Sanders (I., Vt.).
Ocasio-Cortez’s proposal for a select committee conspicuously leaves out a lot of the details of how, exactly, these goals would be achieved (a common theme in Congressional proposals to enact radical goals). Instead, it punts them to the committee’s 15 members—nine Democrats and six Republicans—themselves.
Much of the goal of Ocasio-Cortez’s GND proposal does not seem to be about environmental policy at all. While light on solutions for actual implementation, the proposed bill incorporates a number of popular far-left economic ideas as part of “a historic opportunity to virtually eliminate poverty in the United States and to make prosperity, wealth and economic security available to everyone participating in the transformation.”
It’s a stale but effective defense mechanism. Just claim you don’t remember anything. Nobody can conclude what’s in your mind. Hillary did it every time she had to testify. The contemptible bastard James Comey pulled the same stunt. It’s all a stall tactic. He never was, is not, and never will face any kind of legal jeopardy. He only needs to stall until the democrats take over then it will all go away.
Trump Rips Comey For ‘Not Recalling’ 245 Times Before Congress
Comey’s Friday testimony was published nearly 24 hours after he appeared before the joint House Oversight and Judiciary Committees to discuss investigations pertinent to the 2016 presidential election. Comey claimed on dozens of occasions that he did not recall or he did not know the answer to key questions regarding the FBI’s initiation of an investigation against the Trump campaign in 2016.
Comey told the committee that he did not know when he was fired as FBI director whether there was any proven collusion with the Russian government.
‘Presidential Harassment’: Trump Under Unprecedented Attack On Multiple Fronts
It won’t ever end. He defeated the Hildabeast. He must pay dearly.
“The relentless assaults on this president from every front were previously unimaginable and absolutely unprecedented,” said Sidney Powell, a Texas appeals attorney whose book, “License to Lie,” takes on Justice Department corruption. “The ‘resistance’ has sunk to a new low which I hope they live to regret. They truly became ‘creeps on a mission to destroy the President.’”
For some liberals, Mr. Trump is already guilty.
“In a saner world, there’d be no need to wait for Mueller,” said a Twitter post by Jonathan Rauch, an activist journalist and gay rights advocate at the Brookings Institution. “Nothing he finds will be worse than what we already know: this POTUS was elected and serves in violation of his oath of office. Pity we need prosecutors to tell us that.”
