Category Archives: Funny Stuff

I didn’t think “penis!” when I first saw this photo … but since Twitchy planted the idea, that is ALL I can see!

Sources:
http://twitchy.com/2013/08/22/hilarious-have-you-seen-the-oprah-penis-dress-photo/

I just read this on Facebook …

A senior citizen drove his brand new Corvette convertible out of the dealership. Taking off down the road, he floored it to 80 mph, enjoying the wind blowing through what little gray hair he had left.

“Amazing,” he thought as he flew down I-94, pushing the pedal even more. Looking in his rear view mirror, he saw a state trooper behind him, lights flashing and siren blaring. He floored it to 100 mph, then 110, then 120. Suddenly he thought, “What am I doing? I’m too old for this,” and pulled over to await the trooper’s arrival.

Pulling in behind him, the trooper walked up to the Corvette, looked at his watch, and said, “Sir, my shift ends in 30 minutes. Today is Friday. If you can give me a reason for speeding that I’ve never heard before, I’ll let you go.”

The old gentleman paused. Then he said, “Years ago, my wife ran off with a state trooper. I thought you were bringing her back.”

“Have a good day, sir,” replied the trooper.

Pete’s blog has gotten long enough, it’s taken a while to load, so I thought that, instead of adding my stuff to his and making it even slower, I’d just do an addendum.

First up … Colonel Meow’s vet told his hooman to brush his teeth and the moron actually tried to do it.

This video is a clip of a Christian comedian’s routine, explaining to non-hand-raisers how to behave if they go to a hand-raising church. FUNNY!!

This video is a sweet little love story you have to watch to the end. Tissue alert. 🙂

Posted by Pistol Pete

Its Friday,which shouldn’t mean anything to me since I’m retired,but I really enjoy bringing you some crazy stuff so maybe you can decompress a little bit.

Wonder how many Madison Avenue suit-types are wondering how a television show about a bunch of God-fearing,duck-shooting,family and fun-loving rednecks can draw 11.2 million viewers for the start of a new season?Let them figure it out for themselves.

GRUNT:IS THIS YOURS?

Posted by Pistol Pete

I was going to delve into a lengthy diatribe about everything that’s wrong with leftards,Obozo,Reid,the whole bag of bastards and the country in general.But you already know that,so why be redundant?The visits to our little garden have doubled so I probably should stay on the bench and let the “A” team handle it.

Most of you have full,active lives and don’t have much time to surf the ‘net.Like my BFF,Chrissy the Wonder Chick,I,too,am housebound.Besides getting up at 1:00 AM every day to deliver papers,and seeing my little angels once in awhile, I’m tethered to an oxygen machine.You have no idea how many websites I check and how much copy I read looking for things I think will interest you(with some personal opinions thrown in).

Every day I can count on booting up and finding new violence.Here in Chicago black-on-black crime hardly rates a mention.But there is always black on white crime which is getting more and more prevalent.I’m aware that LBJ’s Great Society condemned a lot of people to a lifetime of poverty,ignorance and government dependence when they tore the father/husband figure from the family unit and replaced it with a welfare check.Young girls who could not even support themselves were seduced into having babies while the checks were based on a per head basis.When a child feels no acceptance in his family he too often turns to the street for a sense of belonging.These people, knowingly or not, surrendered their pride,dignity and personal freedom to be put on an ideological plantation for nothing but a little bit of other peoples’ money.

Consider:

Blacks make up about 14% of the population

7% are women

4% are black males under 12 and over 40

3% of black males,therefore,commit over 70% of felonies committed.

I’m aware there are far more whites in poverty than blacks.So where are the gangs of whites roaming the streets beating up innocent black people or shooting a kid for his sneakers?

I really try to dismiss Obozo’s sneering into the microphone and telling the most outrageous lies knowing he’ll never be called on it and revels in rubbing the middle class’s nose in the fact he can vacation on expensive estates and send a V-22 Osprey to fetch his dog while people are struggling to try to pay for their kids’ school supplies.As long as the press is protecting him and the GOP are terrified of him it will never change.

The Butcher of Benghazi and her co-conspirator are waiting in the wings for this clown of the non-rodeo variety to leave the stage.

Alas,I’ve probably already put off anybody who reads this so I’ll let that be the last word.

Stole this one from Grunt over at knightGFC

NEW SEASON TONIGHT!!!!!

Nov 2, 2007: The Onion reports “Mel Brooks Starts New Foundation: Schmucks for Schmuck”

http://www.theonion.com/articles/mel-brooks-starts-nonprofit-foundation-to-save-wor,2316/

NEW YORK—Saying he could no longer stand idly by while a vital part of American culture is lost forever, activist and Broadway producer Mel Brooks has founded a private nonprofit organization dedicated to preserving the word “schmuck.”

An emotional Brooks stopped short of kvetching at a schmuck fundraiser Monday.

“Schmuck is dying,” a sober Brooks said during a 2,000-person rally held in his hometown of Williamsburg, Brooklyn Monday. “For many of us, saying ‘schmuck’ is a way of life. Yet when I walk down the street and see people behaving in foolish, pathetic, or otherwise schmucky ways, I hear only the words ‘prick’ and ‘douche bag.’ I just shake my head and think, ‘I don’t want to live in a world like this.'”

The nonprofit, Schmucks For Schmuck, has compiled schmuck-related data from the past 80 years and conducted its own independent research on contemporary “schmuck” usage.

According to Brooks, the statistics are frightening: Utterances of the word “schmuck” have declined every year since its peak in 1951, and in 2006, the word was spoken a mere 28 times—17 of these times by Brooks himself.

The study indicates that today, when faced with a situation in which one can use a targeted or self-deprecating insult to convey a general feeling of disgust, people are 50 times more likely to use the word “jerk” than “schmuck,” 100 times more likely to use “dick,” and 15,000 times more likely to use “fucking asshole.”

Perhaps more startling, only 23 percent of men know what schmuck means, and only 1.2 percent of these men are under the age of 78.

If such trends continue, Brooks estimates that by 2011, such lesser-used terms as “imbecile,” “dummy,” “schlub,” and “contemptible ne’er-do-well” will all surpass schmuck, which is projected to completely disappear by the year 2020 or whenever Brooks dies.

“We must save this word!” Brooks said to thunderous applause as those in attendance began chanting “Schmuck! Schmuck! Schmuck!”

“How will we be able to charmingly describe someone who acts in an inappropriate manner? Especially given the tragic loss of the word ‘schmegeggie’ in 2001. So I urge you: Tonight, when you get home, please, call up your family, your friends, your loved ones, and tell them they’re a bunch of schmucks.”

“The world cannot afford to lose this valuable and versatile word,” Brooks told reporters during a charity auction in Manhattan’s Upper West Side Tuesday, where attendees bid for the chance to have a private lunch with Brooks and repeatedly call him a schmuck. “You can be a poor schmuck, a lazy schmuck, a dumb schmuck, or just a plain old schmuck. A group of people can be collectively referred to as schmucks. You can call someone a schmuck, and you can be called a schmuck. You can even call yourself a schmuck.”

“Plus, it’s just so fun to say,” Brooks added. “Schmuck.”

To brush up on your Yiddish, go to http://thomer.com/yiddish/ 

Just in the S section, I found several I recognized, like shiva, shikseh and shmuts, plus some I knew the meaning of but did not realize were Yiddish, like shlep, shlub, shlump, shmaltz and shnook.

And for those inquiring minds wondering the subtle differences between these:

• Shlemiel: Clumsy bungler, an inept person, butter-fingered; dopey person
• Shlimazel: Luckless person. Unlucky person; one with perpetual bad luck.
  • “The shlemiel spilled the soup on the shlimazel.”
• Shlub: A jerk; a foolish, stupid or unknowing person, second rate, inferior.
• Shlump: Careless dresser, untidy person; as a verb, to idle or lounge around.
  • “What kind of shlub would hire a shlump?”
• Shmo(e): Naive person, easy to deceive; a goof (Americanism)
• Shnook: A patsy, a sucker, a sap, easy-going, person easy to impose upon, gullible
• Shnorrer: A beggar who makes pretensions to respectability; sponger, a parasite
  • “The shnorrer keeps his eye out for shnooks and shmoes.”
• Shmekel: A penis, correctly circumcised during the Brit Milah ceremony; slang for small penis.
• Shmuck: Self-made fool; obscene for penis: derisive term for a man.
  • [Make up your own … I am not going there! LOL]

H/t Jim Walter