Category Archives: Funny Stuff
Beware Assault Bubbles!
A 5-year-old who told her friend she would shoot her with her bubble gun has been labeled a ‘terrorist threat’, questioned without her parents present, examined by a psychologist, and suspended from school.
The “gun” in question shoots BUBBLES. That’s why it’s called a BUBBLE gun. The girl was offering to PLAY with her friend and her fun toy.
The girl’s family has hired an attorney. They want the school to apologize and clear the girl’s permanent record.
The fact this apparently happened at Mt. Carmel Elementary School totally cracks me up!
Back in the 9th c. BC, the worship of idols had become a gigantic problem, what with the king of Israel, Ahab by name, being totally whipped by his pagan wife Jezebel. So God’s prophet Elijah challenged the idolators to a god-off on Mount Carmel.
On Yahweh’s team, just Elijah. On Jezebel’s team, 450 prophets of Baal (male god) and 400 prophets of Asherah (female goddess). The king sent word throughout all Israel. It must’ve been the event of their lives for these people!
Each team got a bull to slaughter, plus wood and an altar on which to offer it up. Elijah graciously gave his 850 opponents the first turn, telling them, “You call on the name of your god, and I will call on the name of the Lord. The god who answers by fire—he is God.”
Then all the people said, “What you say is good.”
I bet. Sounds like fun, right?
So the Baal-Asherah team called on the name of Baal from morning till noon. “Baal, answer us!” they shouted. But there was no response; no one answered. And they hopped around the altar they had made.
At noon Elijah began to taunt them.
“Shout louder!” he said. “Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.”
So they shouted louder and slashed themselves with swords and spears, as was their custom, until their blood flowed. Midday passed, and they continued their frantic prophesying until the time for the evening sacrifice.
[I can’t help seeing these idiot school administrators, hopping around and slashing themselves in their frantic sacrifice of a 5-year-old’s civil rights on the altar of Gun Control.]
But there was no response, no one answered, no one paid attention. Then Elijah got his turn. But before asking God to send fire down on his offering, he dug a huge trench around the altar and had twelve big jugs of water brought to him, which he dumped on his wood, so the water ran down around the altar and filled the trench. Then he prayed:
“Lord, the God of Abraham, Isaac and Israel, let it be known today that you are God in Israel and that I am your servant and have done all these things at your command. Answer me, Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you, Lord, are God, and that you are turning their hearts back again.”
Then the fire of the Lord fell and burned up the sacrifice, the wood, the stones and the soil, and also licked up the water in the trench.
Sources:
Carmel Apple drawing by the Fledgling of Bitterness (Bob’s dd)
Scripture story from 1 Kings 18:18ff. NIV version @ http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=1+Kings+18&version=NIV
News story @ http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2264933/Girl-5-suspended-kindergarten-days-threatening-shoot-friend-pink-Hello-Kitty-bubble-gun.html
Filed under Funny Stuff, Gun Control
Things That Panic Progressives
#ThingsThatPanicProgressives
- The idea that somewhere, somehow, someone is making a decision for themselves.
- The possibility that Capitalism actually did make America the richest most powerful nation on Earth.
- Characters on BBC exposing MAJOR flaws in their National Health Service.
- Unapproved questions at presidential pressers.
- People finding out Republicans ended slavery; Democrats started the KKK.
- Unplanned babies who are welcomed into the world.
- Ultrasound.
- 2014 Midterm Elections.
- Balanced budgets and logical thinking.
- Black Conservatives and straight white men.
- Women who think with their lady smarts, rather than their lady parts.
- Math.
- Facts in general.
- Conservatives who learned how to Alinsky them back.
- Any person, place or value admired by Conservatives.
- Printing the party affiliation of all indicted politicians.
- Lower unemployment rates in Red and Right-to-Work States.
- Republican/Conservative Actors.
- Honest news.
- Accurate history.
- That Constitution thingy.
- A Supreme Court that ISN’T packed with Progressive judges.
- The North and South Poles are still frozen.
- Finding out that Lincoln was a Republican.
- Being asked to place a “This is a gun-free household” sign on their front lawn.
- Considering the possibility they sound like morons still blaming Bush.
- The success of Fox News and Conservative Talk Radio.
- The success of the Tea Party.
- The failure of Occupy.
- Traditional families.
- Heavy winter storms on days when the checks come.
- Realizing Conservatives are much nicer than Liberals.
- Happy people.
- This guy:
Filed under Funny Stuff
A GRUDGE FOR NO APPARENT REASON
Posted by Pistol Pete
It’s a cold,windy day in Northern Illinois.DW is off to her BFF’s to play Yahtzee.She took her loaded dice with her so she plans to win.I’m watching old westerns on cable.What with the news being wall-to-wall coverage of The Great Immaculation Part Deux until Monday,the small fortune I pay for all the pay cable channels are worth every penny.I’m really trying to find enough good news for a feel-good grudge,but its really hard coming up with much.It’s too bad we don’t all live close enough to have a potluck or something.
NEWSWEAK IS OUT OF PRINT,IT’S ONLY AVAILABLE ONLINE.FORTUNATELY,YOU WON’T BE ASSAILED BY THIS COVER AT THE GROCERY STORE CHEKOUT.
I CAN’T TAKE THIS CRAP…I NEED SOMETHING FUNNY!
Filed under Funny Stuff
TODAY’S GRUDGE
Posted by Pistol Pete
I don’t plan to post a lot of links today.There’s really no point.But you know what always happens.
When Barry managed to get himself re-elected by using every brain-dead moron with a pulse in this country,we knew it would be bad.The only surprising thing is how he turned so quickly from pretending to care to the all-out assault on our liberties and our way of life.He doesn’t give a damn about governing–never did.It’s all about getting even with those who have acheived and inflicting as much pain on his political opponents as possible.There are a few in the democrat party who are against what he’s doing,but they dare not speak up against the black jesus.I don’t doubt he’s reminded them of this in private conversations.
I could not bear to watch his presser Monday or his dog and pony show signing his imperial edict surrounded by a nice array of children of every color.Little did these kids or their gullible parents realize he’s already spent every penny they’ll ever earn.I have a number of videos to post,but none include him.As usual,I’ll add a few comments along the way.
Hoot:I had a similar incident to yours that happened to me when my youngest was a baby back in 1980.After working a 12 hour day driving my laundry truck I had to stop by the store for some milk and formula for her.I ended up in line at the checkout behind a black couple with a cart full of groceries.Of course,they paid with food stamps.They also had a 12 pack of beer and two cartons of cigarettes they had to pay cash for.He reached in his pocket and pulled out a large roll of bills and peeled off a $100 bill to pay.
I tapped him on the shoulder and said: “Excuse me,sir.You pay for your groceries with food stamps and have the unmitigated gall to pay for your cigarettes with a hundred dollar bill?”
“That’s the way the game is played,white boy.”
“That’s why so many of you niggers are being shot.” (political correctness hadn’t been invented yet)
He took a step back toward me and I promised him if he touched me he was going to have a very bad day.He turned around and walked out laughing.The cashier told me under her breath they do that all the time and thanked me for saying something about it.
Perhaps I handled it badly,but I’d had a belly full of people taking and never even appreciating what they have.I would submit to you that the law-abiding people of this country are in the same position over having one of our most important constitutional rights being usurped by a dictator-wannabe who has never done a thing to earn or deserve the riches the brain-dead in this land have handed him.
HE FOUND THESE PROPS AT VICTIMS-R-US;JUVENILE DEPARTMENT
Filed under Funny Stuff
Know-Nothing President wants to limit ‘magazine clips’
January 14, 2013: During President Obama’s surprise press conference today, the “Smartest Man Alive” prattled on about “magazine clips.” Tweeters had a field day @ #MagazineClips.
- Obama might have a better chance at communicating with gun owners if he’d learn the difference between a clip and magazine.
- The president is talking about “magazine clips” which are not a thing, and they are not two of the same thing, and he sounds uninformed.
- Did @BarackObama just say “magazine clips”??? Dude. REALLY????
- He’s spent too much time with roach clips.
- Protip: Don’t try to regulate something you know nothing about.
- Congress might as well just pack up and go home then. Which, come to think of it, isn’t such a bad idea.
- This idiot is commander in chief ??
- my name iz berry, i be the presidunce i nos evythang yoo lissen too me cuz i be inntellijent.
- He says so many stupid things when discussing subjects he knows nothing about you’d almost think he was a community organizer or something before becoming president.
- Obamuh is the all-inclusive undeniable example of how clueless the left is about guns.
- He just misspoke. We all know full well that he was talking about those ammo bullet thingies.
- Next, a limit on pistol rifles.
- After he bans magazine clips, he can ban bookmarkers. And sharp scissors. Fundamental change this guy? Right.
Magazine clips? Is he going to ban coupon clippers now? Does he have any idea how dangerous Extreme Couponers can be?
- Why all this controversy about magazine clips? Don’t you know that corpse-men use them all the time?
- I guess the SEALs just stood around while Obama and his magazine clips “got” bin Laden.
- Maybe we should go ahead and let them ban “magazine clips” & we can go back to using clips to load our magazines.
Source:
Filed under Barack Obama, Funny Stuff, Gun Control
THE MONDAY GRUDGE
Posted by Pistol Pete
I’ve been trying to find enough lighyhearted and offbeat stuff to make a decent post,but darnit,the Nubian Nitwit is sucking all the oxygen out of the room with his power grabs on gun-grabbing and illegal immigrant voter empowerment conspiracy.Callers on the radio keep saying, ‘he can’t do that …it’s unconstitutional.’ We know it,he knows it,he’s just daring anybody to stop him.Without his media whores covering up for him he’d end up selling espresso machines on the Home Shopping Channel.
CAN’T FORGET HOOT
Filed under Funny Stuff
#SixWordFilmPlots
Twitter Challenge:
Describe the plot of a famous film in just six words.
Kansas teen visits Oz, kills two.
Dumb blonde loses shoe, becomes queen.
Nanny’s spoonful of medicine causes hallucinations.
Despite misleading title, Mission proves possible.
Shark kills people. People kill shark.
People make dinosaurs. Dinosaurs eat people.
Russian admiral speaks with Scottish accent.
Han shoots first. Director destroys franchise.
Boat hits iceberg. Cameron cashes in.
Tolkien Trilogy Many Entries These Best :
Weird Bald Thingy Wants The Ring
Hobbit goes on journey with Ring.
Hobbit continues on journey with Ring.
Hobbit throws Ring into a volcano.
FILTHY HOBBITSES SIMPLY WALK INTO MORDOR.
Chrissy designates as Number Two Favorite:
Determined Hobbit tries out for football.
Chrissy designates as Number One Favorite:
Groundhog Day, Groundhog Day, Groundhog Day.
Filed under Funny Stuff
Our Little Book
During an interview on gun control, arrogant anti-gun Brit Piers Morgan sneered at our Constitution, calling it “Your Little Book”, then said anyone who believes in the rationale behind the Second Amendment is “absurd.”
Tweeters replied:
#YourLittleBook was the byproduct of kicking #YourLittleButts in 1776.
#YourLittleBook is the constitution of America something that you don’t understand.
#YourLittleBook gives you the right to have your own talk show. Go back to Britain.
#YourLittleBook was written aftr last time an arrogant Englishman tried taking r guns &liberty
I suspect Piers is no fan of that other “little book” either, the Declaration of Independence.
A revolution was fought so #YourLittleBook could exist. People gave everything for it. Shame on you for ridiculing it, @piersmorgan.
It was #YourLittleBook that kept you from being deported. You should appreciate it more.
#YourLittleBook is the reason why so many have fought and died for this country. A little more #respect for the #Constitution!
If the US Constitution is a #yourlittlebook, the Magna Carta is TP
I think @piersmorgan should go back to “his little island.”
Apparently we can add history books to the list of #YourLittleBook that @piersmorgan hasn’t read if he thinks govts. never turn tyrannical.
@piersmorgan has forgotten that #YourLittleMagnaCarta was the beginning of allowing U to mouth off abt anything
Funny that #libtards like @PiersMorgan hate the #2ndAmendment, yet embrace #freespeech when confronted. #YourLittleBook
I’d like to smack @piersmorgan upside the head with #YourLittleBook. Wait, would that make it an assault book?
The #littlemind of @piersmorgan cannot grasp the ideas in #YourLittleBook
@piersmorgan is an insufferable narcissist cad and bore. No wonder Obama likes him. They both hate #OurLittleBook
I’m still trying to find in #YourLittleBook the Constitution where the president has the authority to issue an executive order.
#YourLittleBook kept his grandparents from speaking German. How quickly he’s forgotten.
Piers Morgan’s little book is red has a picture of a guy who killed millions of unarmed civilians
The Communist Manifesto = Mao’s Little Book
#YourLittleBook is the foundation of this government. You don’t get to pick the parts you like and pretend the other parts don’t exist.
That little book protects your right to be an ass on television.
Someone should go on a UK show and talk about “your little Queen”
#YourLIttleBook is why the United States had the Power to save Europe…..twice.
@piersmorgan What is so difficult for u to understand when it comes to the difference between a “need” and a “right”?
#YourLittleBook, Piers Morgan, inspired my parents to escape from Soviet communism in Lithuania to freedom here in America 27 years ago.
My father fought on Iwo Jima for #YourLittleBook.
#YourLittleBook is something I’m willing to die for…
#YourLittleBook formed the foundation of the freeest, most humane, & wealthiest society on planet Earth.
Thousands have died for #YourLittleBook.
It’s a book I love.
And it is the heart and soul of this great nation.
#YourLittleBook Is the highest law in the land.
#YourLittleBook is the greatest document that is not divinely inspired.
#YourLittleBook abolished slavery.
#YourLittleBook gave women the right to vote.
#YourLittleBook is what inspires countries across the world 2 be free w/in their own borders.
#YourLittleBook is not what we were, but who we ARE and who we will always be.
#YourLittleBook Enabled this country to create the greatest expansion of human rights, freedom and prosperity in all of human history.
#YourLittleBook is the last line of defense between the U.S. being a free & prosperous nation & falling under the hand of tyranny again.
#YourLittleBook … is the reason this immigrant loves the United States and wouldn’t live anywhere else but here.
#YourLittleBook is the blue print that helped build 1 of the most successful countries in the west that was finally able 2 be free.
#YourLittleBook is what keeps us from being oppressed by smug, self-righteous little fascists like @piersmorgan”
Many of my relatives died in the holocaust because they DIDN’T have weapons. #YourLittleBook
I used to be a little sympathetic to Piers until #yourlittlebook .
The #YourLittleBook mentality sums up the problem with liberals.
#YourLittleBook is the backbone of the country you live in, Piers, try to remember that.
The 1st Amendment is what allows you to spew your crap about the 2d.
#YourLittleBook In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury #tcot
#YourLittleBook Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude…shall exist within the United States
#YourLittleBook protects your right to be unfettered by illegal searches. The TSA should read it.
#YourLittleBook The right of the people to be secure … against unreasonable searches and seizures
Piers Morgan looked at @benshapiro’s copy of the US Constitution like it was a Two Girls, One Cup video.
No, he would have shown the video more respect.
Filed under Constitution, Funny Stuff, Gun Control, Media Bias
polination.blog 